Monday, August 10, 2015

One Troubled Emotional Spot

In a whole weekend of good and wonderful, I had one bit of emotional trouble, which I feel compelled to write out first.

The scene was a party at our house.  We had outdoor and indoor areas all set up for play, a potluck with lots of goodies, and over 20 guests, I believe.  The basement was all outfitted with a borrowed St. Andrews Cross and a seating area.  My favorite party idea was some foam orthopedic dog beds I bought to throw on the floor for anyone required or preferring to sit or kneel there.  WAY more comfy than a cold cement basement floor. My knees, and I'm sure, some other knees, were happy about that.

A friend of Mystique had offered to do henna designs for money and Master said I could get one.  After finding a design I liked and figuring out a spot that no one would want to whack me (ankle) I was getting my design done when Master breezed past and told me he was taking a play partner upstairs for a while.  

He didn't say "Don't disturb us" nor did he invite me to join in.   

They were gone for what seemed like hours to me.  It may have actually been hours.  It was so long I began to think they'd fallen asleep afterward.   At first it was fine.  I waited for the henna to finish drying, then had a good time visiting and circulating, and did my hostess-y clean up duties, taking out trash and such. 

 The longer he was gone the more lost I began to feel.  People would ask me things and I'd say "Master is upstairs. I can ask him when he gets back".   They'd say "Playing?" and I'd say yes.  Each time I felt a bit more lost without him. 

Finally there was something that just couldn't wait on his attention.  They wanted to do "Ball of Girl" and I needed permission to be allowed to join, and I was sure that Master would want to participate, because it is one of his favorite things.  Plus, and more than a little bit selfishly, I really wanted to play some more.  It seemed like no one was interested in playing with me, except for a short caning from another friend at the beginning, and I was starting to feel like it wasn't going to happen, including with Master.  

 I do enjoy visiting but I LOVE playing.  Obviously.

 I went up and knocked on our bedroom door.  Master said "Yes?" and I asked if I could come in.  He said come in, so I did.  I told him what was up and he said they'd be down in a few minutes.  They had not fallen asleep. 

When I left the room I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.  
Yes, jealousy, that sleepy hedgehog of emotion, had thumped me in the gut.  This is no one's fault.  This is my emotion to deal with. 
 I went in the bathroom and collected myself.    

Ever since reading "Come As You Are" I have been using the sleepy hedgehog model for dealing with strong emotions.

Imagine you find a sleepy hedgehog in the chair you are about to sit in.   You don't pretend it's not there and sit down anyway to get a butt full of prickles.  It is also not nice to pick it up and shout at your partner/Master "SLEEPY HEDGEHOG!" while throwing it in his face.   Instead, imagine picking up this sleepy hedgehog (emotion) gently and giving it a name.  Maybe it is jealousy.  Maybe it is anger or fear.  There could be several hedgehogs there, so first, you name them.  Then imagine sitting quietly with your sleepy hedgehog(s) for a while.  They are there, they are not bad, but they could be uncomfortable to sit on.

When you have accepted them, wait for an appropriate time and show them gently to your partner/Master.  If there is anything he can do to help you with them, you can ask for it.  If not, maybe you just need to express the emotion, gently and not "throwing it at him".   Show him your hedgehogs.  "I have this feeling".  

This is what I did in the bathroom- the first part.  Since I have been practicing it when needed, it took me less than a minute.  I would do the second part later that night.

I went downstairs and said we would love to be in on the "Ball of Girl" group scene.  

4 comments:

  1. I love the sleepy hedgehog method of dealing with emotions. I will remember it.....much better than a wild rant or letting something eat at you from the inside out.
    Thanks
    hugs abby

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  2. Sounds like you handled it very well. It's hard to tell what emotions will arise in those situations until you are in them.

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  3. big hugs....jealousy is hard to deal with, hard to talk about without freaking out.

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  4. Love the metaphor and the technique! I'll be sure to try that one next time the green-eyed monster makes an appearance... And congrats on keeping yourself in check. Given the scene, that took an enormous amount of determination! :-)

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