This was a blog from three years ago that I just re-read because someone else found it and read it. It is sometimes interesting to go back to the beginning and see what I was thinking about then, and what Master was doing.
Since then, events have uncovered my jealous spot, and I have thought a lot about cuckqueaning (but haven't decided if that is me or not).
I question if I am I a cuckquean, or just a slave who is happy to serve her Master even if that means watching while someone else is with him? I have compersion, that feeling of being happy that he is happy, and also the occasional jealous or envious feeling. There is also some humiliation to it, and that is a good/bad feeling.
I'm still not afraid that he'll replace me, or that someone else is better than me at something/prettier than me. It is really not a competition, though in Master's most cruel moments he tells me that it is- I kinda hate that. Emotional sadists, arg). I mean, how could I objectively be more desirable and hot than a gorgeous 19 year old with huge breasts? I can't. I'm just happy that he's being pleased by several women.
My biggest worries: Being left out. Not receiving Master's attention. Not being shiny. Having an emotional meltdown at a time when it isn't convenient for him.
Now, none of this has come to pass, but all fears are not rational nor are they things that I really expect to happen.
We had a wonderful night last night, cuddling on the couch while watching TV. I made him some popcorn and then he ordered me to suck him. Later on he beat my ass with his machete (ow!) and the misery stick (double ow!) and then fucked me.
I woke him up this morning, kissing and stroking him. He let me suck his cock, then told me to ride him using my Hitachi until I had come all over the place. My clit was so tender I was trying to keep it away from the vibrator without falling off of Master, and he was still ordering me to come more and more.
This afternoon we are going to a munch one town over, and I'm nervous about that because of some upsets/acrimony that the group has been experiencing. I hope it isn't all weird. But there should also be time to play, and then Saumya is coming to stay the night, I think. So it is a nervous excitement, which is a frequent state for me, I guess.
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