Friday, December 18, 2015

Frustrated But Happy?

I woke up purely frustrated (sexually) but trying to pretend that I wasn't.  La di di, don't want to have sex, not turned on, not going to be interested at all... these are the lies I tell myself. 

My Master was about to get up when I asked him to untie me.  He did.  We got up.  I made his breakfast as usual.  He came down and ate it after his shower.  

When he went back up to get dressed I followed him, which I haven't done in a long time.  I got out of the habit because I didn't know if it pleased him or not.  Lacking feedback, and after receiving immediate orders to go back downstairs many days in a row, which made me think he didn't want me up there, I just stopped.  Maybe I was just being irritating following him around?  Honestly, a lot of my life is guesswork, trying to base my behavior on his reaction the last few times to what I did, trying to figure out what will please him, because he didn't tell me one way or another what he wanted.  I'm constantly searching for meaning or direction when maybe there is none.  Anyway, that wasn't the cause of my frustration, that is just something that was going on in my head when I decided to follow him upstairs once again.   

I was hoping for the chance to kneel at his feet, hoping not to be sent away.  He allowed me, and told me to remove my clothes.  He fondled my tits, then pulled my hair back and told me to come.  Without any recent orgasm, this was a big one, especially considering the complete lack of any touch to my nether region.  
I kissed his knee, kissed his feet, on fire with desire now.  Wanting so much more, this orgasm was not a release so much as a open door to more wanting.   He told me no more orgasms until he tells me I can.  No playing with myself.

I'm somehow frustrated but secure in his control.  Happy, but far from content. 


 

1 comment:

  1. I know that happy, but not content feeling...it is the best..and not! LOL..
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete

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