Thursday, December 31, 2015

Being a Slave

This post was inspired by Tara's very interesting blog post here: Thoughts on slavery

My Master defines how my slavery will be.  That is what it is at the most basic level.  How I want things to go, how I want things to be, most of the time just doesn't matter.  Sure, I can give opinions and make suggestions, which he may or may not take into consideration, but how I am a slave, the things that I do as a slave and the ways that he treats me, that is all up to my Master.   He makes me and forms me to suit him, within the limits of my own personality.

 We interact differently now than when we were vanilla partners, when we were just husband and wife.  It is all very different for us with a power exchange in place, and it is much more satisfying and fulfilling for both of us.

It is not just about washing the dishes or housework or sex, although sometimes it is about the dishes.  Sometimes it is about sex, and a lot of the time it is about me kneeling at his feet sucking his cock while he watches porn and ignores me.  No one tells you these things about being a slave (except Kaya and her under-the-desk adventures) and maybe she and I are the only ones.  

But probably not. 

 It is about obedience, compulsion, being pleasing (for me), giving orders rather than requests, controlling rather than convincing (for him).  It is about not saying no, about never refusing (for me).   It is about being my Master, owning me, not letting me get away with doing those things or being overly sassy, about forcefulness, but also about kindness and understanding, mercy even; for him it is about getting into my head, demanding access to my thoughts and feelings so he can give me what I need to be a better slave, and so he can control me better. 

Housework?

The house is never spotless.  It is as clean as he demands, which is regularly cleaned but not obsessively cleaned.  I have a schedule that he gave me for various chores.  If he demanded cleaner, I would work on getting it cleaner. If he said all the dogs had to live outside so we wouldn't have fuzzballs all over, then that is what would happen.  If he banned clutter, then I'd probably die. (No, actually I'd figure out ways to get rid of clutter).    But I'm not and never have been an obsessive house cleaner.  I'd rather have dogs at my feet than no fluff.  If he's not complaining, then I'm ok with it.  For the record, I clean the house every day, but the dogs/kids make messes faster than I clean.  I can't imagine ever having baseboards clean enough to lick. Nor can I imagine any universe in which he'd see that they were dirty and make me lick them.  I do wash the baseboards, but not all that often, every other week probably, or if I notice they are dusty.

Meals?

Rarely fancy, but they are regular.  I am almost always the cook, and I usually cook from scratch.  I am required to have a salad ready for him every night, but most of the rest is up to me to decide.  I know his likes and dislikes pretty well.  I do not love to cook but I do love to eat.

I make breakfast for him unless he slips out of bed without waking me.  Maybe one day a week he makes his own oatmeal.  I enjoy serving him this way, even when I'm still groggy and stumbling about.  This morning I made sausage and fried potatoes with cheese and Tabasco for him.

I also get his lunch ready to take to work, or if he's home I make lunch.

Tea is very important. I almost always serve it to him, and the exact ways are prescribed. 

And I don't get to fuss or pout about ANY of it if he does these things for himself.  He's the Master, he decides. 

Sex!

I write mostly about sex and BDSM here so you all pretty much know how that happens.   It is always his way and about him, but one of his big enjoyments is seeing me in the throes of pleasure.  That right there is a power trip for manliness.  I call this a win/win situation.   

Orgasm control/orgasm on command is one of his favorite things to do to me.

He likes using all three of my holes.  The frequency of use is completely up to him, but it is generally 1. mouth 2. cunt 3. ass.

I think maintenance beatings and casual humiliations are a huge help in keeping me a happily willing slave rather than a sad and angsty one.  However, they are not necessary.  A very smart friend once told me "M/s and S/M are not the same thing, never confuse them." 

 I have found this to be so very true and helpful.   Still, there is something about pain that settles my mind when it comes from Master.  He can always tell when I'm getting that squirrelly/angsty "I need a beating" look around the edges but it is still up to him if he feels like doing it or not.  Often he does, or he feels like beating me even if I don't have that look. 

We are not monogamous.  I have no say over what he does with others, although he does tend to keep me informed on everything because he thinks it is better that way.  He also has all the say over what I do with other people.  So if he says "Do that with that person" and that person is willing, then I do it.   Sometimes he takes my feelings into account but not always.   

Micromanagement.

This is not his thing for the most part, although I guess it depends on what you compare us to.  Normally, I pee when I want. I go out of the house on errands without texting him (actually I can't text him because he doesn't carry a phone).   I do ask before going to bed, though, and before buying anything significantly costly.  I am definitely not allowed to bring any new animals home. I have to ask before masturbating if he is home.  If he's not home I get one freebie, but then I'd have to ask for more.  I rarely ask.  For some reason embarrassment still prevents me unless I'm getting desperate. 

My preference is always for more control, more management, rather than less, but as I said in the beginning, it is not about me, it is about what he wants.  

Rituals

I love these, and get very attached to them.  My Master is careful not to make so many that they get annoying or cumbersome for him.  Streamlined and simple is his preference.

Right now we have the before bed kneeling and waiting for him to get there ritual, and then in bed usually right before sleep, we have a quick ritualized discussion of whether I got all my shit done for the day.  

Usually the answer is yes, but if not then I might get a punishment.  Again, his decision.  I have the hardest time still with not receiving a punishment when I thought I deserved one, or with only receiving a light one.  I think I ought to be accepting of whatever he does, but this is very hard for me to get my head around.   It frequently leads to internal wrestling on my part.  If he asks me if I need a punishment, then my head practically explodes. I hate that.  But then I go back to "It's really not about me."  

That quick discussion is also the time when I'm supposed to bring up anything he has done that made it harder for me to be his good slave, any constructive criticisms I might have.  I can't even remember the last time I had anything to say on that.  It was a while ago.   

Recently he began leashing me to the bed at night.  I'm not sure if that counts as a ritual or not.  Maybe if one does it enough it becomes ritual?  

Feelings

I have to tell him how I'm feeling, even if I'd rather keep it to myself.  This doesn't mean whining or complaining though; there is a line there that I understand from experience.   That doesn't mean I'm always successful either way.  Sometimes I clam up.  Other times I am annoyingly whiny.  Slaves are human, what can I say?

Privacy.
  
Nope.  None.  I don't have it or need it.  I am owned, all of me. 







 

2 comments:

  1. I really liked reading this because it seems like you are both very happy, with the relationship, with the degree of M/s in your lives, and that you have a good balance between it and the vanilla things in your lives as well. I'm always happy to see a couple that's managed to find that balance that works for them.

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  2. Loved this!!! And the being ignored while sucking cock? Many a night I'm the hole with the cock in it while he watches porn and I'm ignored. I'm totally good with that.
    I love knowing women like you who are not just comfortable in their lives and in their position, but actively work to live a happy life. That's pretty wonderful. :)
    Thanks for writing this!!

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