Friday, February 24, 2017

Poly and Non Monogamy

This is a "where are we at this point in time" and "how did we get here" on poly and non-monogamy. 

I am very far from being able to write a "This is how it all worked out for us" type post.   I would say it is going one day at a time, working things out, see where things go still at this point. We are not experiencing any particular challenges right now.  In fact, it has all be extremely easy for me lately.

My Master asked me the other day, as we were driving, how I managed to put jealousy aside when I used to be so concerned and upset if he was even looking at other women, talking about them in sexual ways, or watching porn (that was years ago that I last remember being upset about those things).  

 I had an answer for him because I had been thinking about the same thing.  A lot of my "jealousy" was actually territoriality and possessiveness rather than fear or insecurity, although there was some of the latter also.   I thought, being in a monogamous relationship, that it was my job to keep him from other women.  Mine. My husband. I thought it was something that was expected of me by society.  That's how you are supposed to be, right?  So that is how I was.

I have to say that he never gave into my possessiveness and jealousy at all, not in the slightest. He didn't sleep around, but he flirted, always. He would still make comments about other women and he told me there was no way he was going to stop watching porn so I could just deal with it.  Ok, then.  

Fast forward 10 or 15 years to the time when I became his slave.

I wrote this post in 2012.  At the time that I wrote it we had been Master and slave for about a year.  He had been involved in one gang bang and we had both played (s/m play) with other people, but I had not had sex with anyone else yet.  

At that time, I had more options.  Now that we are comfortable with it, he rarely gives me options.   I have done things on his order that I would never have wanted to do had it been up to me.  That whole idea makes me super hot, btw.

I expressed some fears in that post, but mostly I was comfortable and on board with opening up our relationship in whatever way he chose.  I would have been ok with a one penis policy forever; it was not something I needed, those other penises.   But it was something he wanted to try eventually, sharing me with other men, and he thought that I would like it too, because the fantasy turned me on quite a bit.

Shortly after that we started dating Mystique.  It was a good triad, both of them dominating me, but eventually (after about a year and a half) she found her own submissive and decided it would be better for her to be monogamous with him.   This was a bit painful for me, and unexpected, for me at least.  My Master expected that to happen all along, that she would find someone else, so he was not surprised.   

I confess my feelings for her have not changed.  I couldn't say exactly what those feelings are, but I know I have them. They are more than platonic but less than carrying a torch.  She still does casual play with others, and sometimes with me, but nothing serious or sexual like we used to.    Master has given her blanket consent to do as she likes with me, and this still applies.  So if she wants to start hitting me with canes while we play a Harry Potter trivia game, that is ok with Master.   And my bliss.

The first time Master told me to have sex with another man it was a surprise to me.  We had a play date with another D/s couple, and so I knew that we would all play together, but the sex was unexpected.  It was a good surprise (he was quite good at it), but still: Hello!   We swapped with the same couple on several occasions but eventually they broke up for unrelated reasons.  We continued to play with her alone on occasion and eventually she asked Master for a CNC relationship.  It was definitely still a part time thing, relating to play sessions only.  She had some other events in her life which caused her to break it off eventually.   This triad was more focused on Master as the center and her and me relating to him, than anything beyond friendship between her and me (although she and I had sex too).  We are still friends, but have not played together since.

In terms of what I like about these arrangements, besides just exploring and having fun with other people, is that to me one of the hottest things still is the fact that he does as he likes.  He could see someone else, or not, and I have no say.  He could have other subs or slaves.  He could tell me to fuck someone else, or not, and I have no say.  This is one of the single biggest kinks I have, simply the power aspect- him having it and me, not.   I enjoy it, no doubt about it, when we swap or play with other people.  But I enjoy the fact of my Master's complete power over me even more.  The reason I no longer express jealousy is that I have no ownership of him in any way. I am a possession, property, not entitled to dictate, and that makes all the difference for me.  I feel it very deeply.  If he was doing something with someone else and not me, I might still feel a bit of envy, but only if I couldn't be there to watch.  I might be thinking I would like that to be me, but this is a different emotion than what I felt before. 

He has not fallen madly and crazy in love with anyone else yet, though I consider that always a possibility.   I will deal with that when or if it happens.  He and I have both had a few basically reciprocated crushes on people.  We are not exactly seeking anything, but not closed off to any possibilities of how a relationship may develop either. 

We talk about issues when they come up, but as for the current state we are coasting pretty easily. 



  1. Thank you for expressing this Ksst 😊

  2. This was a good read. I've been thinking about this sorta thing myself- though Q and I haven't hit that point of opening ourselves up to having sex with others, though I feel like we're moving in that direction. Reading about someone else's experiences and thoughts about it- that have turned out positively for the most part, does help me quell some of the (likely unfounded) fears about it. :-)


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