Even though in my mind it is incredibly hot when he says "I will do whatever I want" with others, this is not quite the whole reality. We both accepted that it is his right to have sex with others, or to order me to have sex with others. This agreement was present since I became his slave, because to us that is what being a slave meant- that he had all the rights, and I had given my rights up to tell him what he could or could not do to become his thing, his property.
But because he cares about my feelings, and doesn't want to push me past the breaking point of what I could stand, which he thinks is a very real possibility, we engage in these discussions of jealousy and feelings about playing with others.
That these sorts of discussions are not something I want to do, but I have to anyway because he wants to have them, is kind of an ironic twist on the whole thing. Most of the time I would rather he just said "This is what we are doing with others, you will do it and either like it or suck it up." But in reality I have much more choice in what I do with other people than I do in what I do with Master (as in, no choice on the latter item).
He's not yet sure exactly how far he wants to share me, but he's only possessive of certain things, certain acts. He does not have a "Hands completely off my slave" zealously protective approach to me. I can't really say why, these are just his feelings about the whole issue. Recently he asked someone else to use the command to make me come, while she was playing with me. She did, and I did.
I haven't felt much jealousy at all lately. This is not just wishful or romantic thinking, or denial, because it used to be an issue for me, but that was probably 20 years ago. Since then I have gotten comfortable with the idea that he does not want to replace me, that he really does want me and love me even with all my not so lovable traits and imperfections.
He insists that I tell him exactly what would make me jealous, and what I would enjoy as far as watching him with someone else. I have a bit of the voyeur. :)
So I do tell him, to the best of my ability to predict my feelings about things that have not happened yet, and also fully about my feelings about things we have done with others (all positive experiences for me so far).
When he finds those jealous feelings, he uses them to weave fantasies for me, staying just on the edge of what I am comfortable with, never letting me get too comfortable, but staying away from the deep end where I'd be angry and upset. In this way he has been training me, pushing me, for a long time, semi-consciously (on my part anyway), to be really and truly ok with everything he does, or wants to do.
No, that's not my bed. And I'm not dead. I was getting worked over by two men, and looking pretty out of it at that point. ...
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