Thursday, June 13, 2013

Consent

I'm going to address a serious topic today:  consent.    It is critical to doing what we do. 

  There has been a controversy going around about a person who has taken far more than was talked about or negotiated in scenes with people he didn't know that well.  And taken it by force, which is rape or assault in my book.   The police were contacted, but did not find enough of a case against him to do anything about it, even with more than one woman reporting similar behavior from the same guy.    Some of the cops (not every police officer involved) had the attitude that if a woman does what we do, she is only a worthless whore and deserves whatever she gets, even if she didn't consent to it.   If the women didn't actually say NO as he went way too far, and did things they did not want or talk about or ask for, because they were petrified or stunned, then I guess the legal system doesn't consider it a crime.   Yes, they probably should have said no, but that stunned response sometimes does happen, and if they say they wanted to speak up but could not, I believe it. 

This is why such a big deal is made of negotiating beforehand is made.  Both people should know exactly what is expected and where the limits are in a scene.  If one says "No penetration", then the other needs to respect that.   I really don't know if this man does it because he can get away with it, or if he thinks it is his right, or if he thought they must want it because they didn't say no.   But no matter what his reason, this is not acceptable.

And in case anyone is wondering "But what about you, and the posts you write about being forcefully used and abused?"  

 The difference is that odd little phrase consensual nonconsent.  In becoming his slave this was part of what we talked about.   In agreeing to be his slave I did give up all my rights to him, and anything he wants to do to be is fair game, because I gave a blanket consent TO HIM.   

Now, if I'm doing a scene or playing with someone else, and I tell them  beforehand "No penetration", or any other limit, then I fucking mean it.   Of course, my Master is always there with me and would be able to enforce those limits he has put on me, limits he has made for me, but many other people do not have that level of protection.    

If Master chooses to have me used by many people that is his right, because he owns me.   It is not the right of every man to do what he wants just because he can.  Honestly I shouldn't even have to say this, but consent is critical.   




4 comments:

  1. Well, as someone who has been pushed past the limits of consent, I am heartbroken for the women who this has happened to. After the physical healing which comes quickly, the emotional healing takes place...for fucking ever. Thank you for your post.

    Hugs,
    Fiona

    ReplyDelete
  2. Consent is critical. Unfortunately,I know of several scenes gone bad. The male exceeded the limit expected by the sub. Often the sub feels guilty. It is an awful mess when it happens and the emotional scars last a long time for the sub.

    I try to protect my friends during events and provide them with guidance on one on one play. Often, I will speak to new males or recommend people that I know are respectful of limits.

    There are consequences for bad behavior. Males are banned from events for exceeding limits. Possibly, banned from all public activities.

    I plan on a blog post about this topic in several months.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  3. Consent is very important, but it also can be blurry like you said with consensual non-consent, with Master its blanket consent, i consented to this relationship and that is enough.

    But there needs to be respect and trust, which works both ways.

    x

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow, this is so sad. I thought I had been in a similar situation. I blogged about this last month in "Scent of a Woman". It was devastating, till I realized it was only a well orchestrated mind game. So I cannot imagine what these ladies are feeling. When trust is broken, the pain is excruciating. My heart goes out to them.

    ReplyDelete

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