Saturday, July 18, 2015

Soulhuntre's Reply on Household Tasks

When a slave is nominally in charge of the household tasks, sometimes the desire to "do it right" takes over the desire to be submissive and accepting, and so a question was asked by someone with this issue. 

This answering post was written by Soulhuntre (Blog link) on Fetlife, and I found it useful to my mindset at the time, so I saved it and asked him if I could reprint it here.  He said yes, so here you are:

This is something that is pretty common. Fortunately the techniques to help resolve it are not that complex... they aren't necessarily easy, just not complex.
The real problems stem from this...
I run the general household. So I get pushy with bills, I gripe about laundry and stuff (although He's the cook, and He's excellent).
There is nothing about running the house that requires being "pushy" or "griping". Ever. What is happening is that you are getting your frame wrong.

Often when a servant is given an area of contextual authority they tend to take it on as "theirs", that sense of propriety can lead to a conflict when the source of that authority is seen as not helping, interfering or downright being an obstacle.

Part of this problem stems from the bargaining many owners do when they assign tasks like that. They will say something like "you take control of the laundry, and let me know what system you use and I'll conform to that to help." When they d not conform to that system (put their clothes in a hamper or whatever) the servant now feels like a agreement has been breached or there is behavior that needs to be corrected.

Here's the trick - you are never doing "your" laundry - you are ALWAYS doing "his" laundry. He is never failing to conform to "your" methods, he is just not at this moment helping you by doing so. You must remember the source of your temporary authority, and remember he has the ability to supersede your wishes, even in this area.

Whenever someone in my house has areas of authority like this, their authority ends at informing me of any impacts of my actions. And I never tolerate insolence, sarcasm or griping when they do so.

Don't misunderstand, I love sarcastic people and all of my servants are quite funny, sarcastic and at times prone to "biting" remarks... the issue is that they know when it is appropriate. You will not "lose yourself" by learning when to control your tine, you will not suddenly turn into a humorless, will-less zombie simply because you don't gripe about housework difficulties.

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