I would guess that a lot of us, before we got into kink, or perhaps even now, have had fantasies that we considered unacceptable, too much, too strange, too horrible to even admit that they turn us on.
How about you? Yes/no? You don't have to say what they are, of course, but I am curious.
When I was a teenager, I read the book Roots by Alex Haley. Not just once either, many times. You probably have seen the TV mini-series if you are my age. I knew it was very wrong and shameful, of course, what happened to real people in this country and others. I still had this utter fascination with it which had nothing to do with race and everything to do with
I also read little book called "Slave Boy" about a boy in ancient Rome who was a slave but escaped. It was a kids book. I was in 5th grade, and I found it in the class library, so there was absolutely no sex or anything remotely kinky, it was just about a boy of those times and all about his life. I remember hiding out to read it because I didn't want anyone to know how much the whole idea enthralled me.
One of my favorites was a perfectly innocent book called Lad, A Dog. It's a dog book, right? But if you go back and re-read it, as I have in the last couple years, and imagine a person in the role of the dog, the whole thing could be read as a M/s fantasy. Hell, the dogs are even whipped when they are bad, well after the naughtiness is over and done. Who does that? Any good dog trainer knows that you quickly correct them in the act or forget it and wait for the next time. You don't make them wait and think on their upcoming punishment because dog brains do not work that way. People brains work that way.
These things fueled my fantasy life, at first in a totally non sexual way that as I grew up became sexualized. I imagined myself a slave to a certain (imaginary) man, following him around being of service during the day and chained up in a harem building at night with other slaves. There wasn't really any spanking or torture, or anything like that, other than he always had a riding crop for the occasional smack down if I wasn't quick enough in obeying.
The sexual part usually entered in with him allowing me to be used/raped by his friends and relatives. These were the fantasies that I considered totally unacceptable, unattainable, not even desirable in real life and utterly shameful.
I didn't share them with anyone.
Then I came to find out using this amazing new thing called the internet that other people have similar, or even more extreme fantasy lives. How freeing and reassuring that was!
Once we started down the road to exploring kink, I realized that everything was better in real life than it had been in fantasy. I could have my regular life with my husband AND all those delicious fantasy slavish feelings AT THE SAME TIME. Amazing. I came to find out that Master had his own "unacceptable" (to him) fantasies also, though they were somewhat different from my own.
So, what do you think? Did you go through this?
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