I would guess that a lot of us, before we got into kink, or perhaps even now, have had fantasies that we considered unacceptable, too much, too strange, too horrible to even admit that they turn us on.
How about you? Yes/no? You don't have to say what they are, of course, but I am curious.
When I was a teenager, I read the book Roots by Alex Haley. Not just once either, many times. You probably have seen the TV mini-series if you are my age. I knew it was very wrong and shameful, of course, what happened to real people in this country and others. I still had this utter fascination with it which had nothing to do with race and everything to do with
power/control/ownership/cruelty.
I also read little book called "Slave Boy" about a boy in ancient Rome who was a slave but escaped. It was a kids book. I was in 5th grade, and I found it in the class library, so there was absolutely no sex or anything remotely kinky, it was just about a boy of those times and all about his life. I remember hiding out to read it because I didn't want anyone to know how much the whole idea enthralled me.
One of my favorites was a perfectly innocent book called Lad, A Dog. It's a dog book, right? But if you go back and re-read it, as I have in the last couple years, and imagine a person in the role of the dog, the whole thing could be read as a M/s fantasy. Hell, the dogs are even whipped when they are bad, well after the naughtiness is over and done. Who does that? Any good dog trainer knows that you quickly correct them in the act or forget it and wait for the next time. You don't make them wait and think on their upcoming punishment because dog brains do not work that way. People brains work that way.
These things fueled my fantasy life, at first in a totally non sexual way that as I grew up became sexualized. I imagined myself a slave to a certain (imaginary) man, following him around being of service during the day and chained up in a harem building at night with other slaves. There wasn't really any spanking or torture, or anything like that, other than he always had a riding crop for the occasional smack down if I wasn't quick enough in obeying.
The sexual part usually entered in with him allowing me to be used/raped by his friends and relatives. These were the fantasies that I considered totally unacceptable, unattainable, not even desirable in real life and utterly shameful.
I didn't share them with anyone.
Then I came to find out using this amazing new thing called the internet that other people have similar, or even more extreme fantasy lives. How freeing and reassuring that was!
Once we started down the road to exploring kink, I realized that everything was better in real life than it had been in fantasy. I could have my regular life with my husband AND all those delicious fantasy slavish feelings AT THE SAME TIME. Amazing. I came to find out that Master had his own "unacceptable" (to him) fantasies also, though they were somewhat different from my own.
So, what do you think? Did you go through this?
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Yes, we are still going through it. I know that Sir struggles with a lot of his sadist fantasies. And I have a lot of control scenarios that I have trouble balancing with my engrained mindset of a 'balanced marriage'.
ReplyDeleteYes, of course we all have those fantasies that embarrass us to even think about. Among other things, I know that if it were a standard requirement that I would always have to consume all of my ejaculate as a condition of being allowed to ejaculate, I'd hate the act and love having to do it.
ReplyDeleteYes!!! we are working through some of mine at the moment, one of mine which i really struggled with was i wanted to be beaten just by his fists, i thought that un-acceptable because it was perhaps associated with domestic violence...which i dont condone at all...but i craved the violence.
ReplyDeleteI fantasised about having a split lip, punches to stomach,blows everywhere until i fell to the floor and then kicked about....just so wrong.
He made it a reality for me, years ago now....and i bloody loved it...couldnt go out in public for a week though lol.....btw kids were with their dad, i wouldnt expose them to seeing me like that.
x
I remember vividly the first time I begged him to closed fist punch me. We were at a dungeon, just standing around, and he did it, in the chest and shoulders, a bunch, and someone came up and started talking to us. I was like WTH (only in my head) can't you see we're doing a thing? I don't know if they were worried about me or what, but it was someone that should have known not to interrupt. I thought anyway.
DeleteOh god, thats pretty much a no-no i would say, interrupting someone's scene, what another couple enjoys isnt always to everybodys taste but you dont interfere with it...wait until its over!
Delete*wait until its over to ask questions if one is concerned for whatever reason, i should add*
DeleteWow, Tori just literally typed out the one that is thought about a lot over here. Somehow it doesn't seem so bad when someone else is typing it.
ReplyDeleteoh yes.
ReplyDeleteas for earlier on, I was fascinated by fairy stories - girls being captured and kept and enthralled... oooh yes
I started imagining myself as an Egyptian slave when I was about 9 or so... wasn't until I was 18 that I wasn't alone in wanting to be a slave. Of course, once I hit puberty things started getting even more interesting ;)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh yes, so much yes yes yes yes. So many unspeakable things I have fantasized, and still do.
ReplyDeleteI daydreamed and my favourite wank fodder when I found I had a clitoris, at a young age, was cruelty, abandonment, humiliation, scat/piss, objectification, violation, all pride being taken away as if I was a "nothing" unworthy of anything,, even parents. No control of life, whether I lived or died. Of course, I did not know any of these words, I just knew it made my bits go "funny". The scenario, was being left in a old fashioned style of work house but present day, no privacy, little for clothing, dirty, covered in shit, with a cruel heartless man, whose face I never ever saw. Rows and rows of holes in wooden boards for toilets, as I would have to sit there, naked, berated, whilst this faceless man, watched over me whilst I pissed etc. He would tell me how dirty I was, foul, a nothing. How he controlled even when I pissed. Not one part of this was sexual in my thoughts but very very cruel. I still have this fantasy to date, though I have put it into an adult context now and much further down and deeper the road of degradation/humiliation/objectification/abandonment. I have touched on of all these aspects in real life but as yet not to the degree I have wished re a longer scene, perhaps 24hr. Not so easy to set up, mentally breaking, emotionally exhausting for both Dominant and slave and for after care required. I am not into scat per say, but to be degraded and used as a human toilet, left covered in shite then pissed on, hurt more, violated . Ho Hum Well let`s just say I want the whole shebang lol. Anything less does not tick the boxes in my head lol. Greedy bitch. Xx
ReplyDeleteYour fantasies reminded me, for some reason, of another book I read (I read a lot) that kinda fueled these feelings for me: A Little Princess. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113670/
DeleteI can't remember anything horrible horrible happening to her, just the fact that she was suddenly in the role of servant and having to get used to that.