Last night Master asked me what I really wanted. Not for me to say whatever would please him, but what I actually wanted. He told me he'd give me until today to tell him. This is so hard for me. It means I have to make a decision.
I know all those strong willed, decisive, competent subs and slaves out there are shaking their heads. But I really, really hate this. Being a slave evidently doesn't relieve one of all decision making agonies. I don't get the final say, but I do have to give my opinion to him. I don't know how much, if any, weight my opinion will have in his final decision, but just by being made to declare it I feel it must have some.
It does make sense to me that he is better able to master me if he knows my mind and what my feelings and opinions are, but on some topics they are just so confused and mixed up. Not an easy yes/no.
At 5:30 am I woke up and my mind was clear. I lay there for about an hour thinking of exactly how to phrase it correctly so I could get all my feelings heard and leave nothing important out. When I heard him waking slightly and telling me to roll over, I told him my opinion.
He said he would tell me his mind and decision when he finished thinking about it. The question concerns a third person, so I can't really say what "it" is.
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curiosity piqued! lol
ReplyDeletei can understand where you are coming from. First i have a hard time knowing when i'm being asked for my honest feelings and when i'm being asked to say what He wants to hear. Then there's that internal struggle of my own to want to please Him anyways. Sigh. It isn't always black and white.
My Master has made the distinction clear for me by telling me straight out that if he asks once he wants to hear the ritually pleasing "What ever you want Master" (and I have been slapped for being too quick with my opinion). But then if he asks again he want to hear my real opinion.
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