Thursday, September 18, 2014

What Do You Do If?

Note: unlike most of my blogs this is not a personal issue.  This is an issue that a lot of people have though, and I'm not here to tell them what to do, because I don't know.

I suppose when people ask unanswerable questions I should just STFU and not risk putting my foot in it.  But I often don't, one, because I'm an idiot, and two, because I get the ridiculous idea that I might help someone.

What do you do if your Master/Dominant doesn't want the same things you want?  You went through that whole compatibility check early on, of course, and you both loved the same stuff.  You did all the stuff! It was awesome.  Then years later he/she doesn't want it anymore.  He's changed his mind.  Or she has.   What do you do?

The scary thing about being a slave is that you have no power.  If he/she says no, you're stuck.   It is a frightening thought, isn't it?   You're just stuck.  You can't "make" your Dominant do anything, and even if you somehow could find a key that would do that, you wouldn't want to use it because it would be all upside down then.  You sure can't make someone want something they don't want.

You are dependent on what you have in your range of allowable tools to try to decrease your misery:

-pouting (warning: this one frequently backfires)
-patience and resignation

Then there are the ideas which may work for some, but would be completely out of the question for others:

-outsourcing (finding another person to meet pain needs outside your primary relationship)
-going vanilla

What do you think? 


  1. It depends i should think on what the particular thing is, there are things that have appealed to me that havent to my Master, because he has been there done that, and doesnt want to revisit it.

    On a whole, one has to look at the bigger picture, my relationship is more important to him than any kink is, and thats what i would focus on.

    I think though this is a scenario that can happen in any relationship be it ttwd or not.

    I wouldnt want someone to do something, be something they are not just because its something i desire..been there, done that with ex husband lol


  2. Interesting thing to ponder. I for one, don't think I could ever go back to being vanilla. Even before fully entering the lifestyle, it's always been a huge part of who I am, in one way or another.

    Will be interesting to see what kind of thoughts you get on this. :)


  3. wouldn't be happy going vanilla....but could if it wasn't working for him anymore. I think that there are enough other things compatible with us. Would I miss it...hell yes, but would I leave? Hell no.

  4. I am a submissive male, thats been married for thirty five years. My wife is dominate, but Not because she likes to dominate me, but more because she does Not want to be dominated. So for me, IT is more smoke than fire in our ds relationship. My masochism is left on the shelf, and my daily life is Not filled with felling her pushing me down, beneath her, where i love to be. But i love her, and would never leave....i just find a way to endure. Mark


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