Written June 2012
The above (Beginnings) was written in January of 2012, so I thought I would write a
little update on things I have learned as a slave since then.
Numbers one and two would be patience and acceptance. Being a slave
is often all about these two things and I didn't have much of either of
them when it came to my new found masochist desires. However, being a
slave rather than a bottom, and having an Owner rather than a service
top, often has meant that what I want doesn't always happen. I need to
have the feeling that my desires are not the most important thing,
because to me that is more deeply satisfying than thinking I can get
whatever I want at the moment. I can now accept that with patience and
acceptance rather than with unbearable frustration.
Being frustrated and unhappy doesn't do my Master any good and doesn't do me any good.
Numbers three and four also go together inseparably and are obedience
and transparency. These may always be a work in progress. I go along
thinking I have both of them down, that I can do this! And then some
unexpected situation comes up that challenges my ability to either obey
or be transparent to my Master, and I feel like I am climbing that same
We have talked a lot about punishment, and he has thought about what
works and doesn't work for me, and what he wants to do. Without going
into too much detail, he has a several pronged approach to this. No
punishment at all was just not going to be the best solution for us. Yes, he does do corporal punishment, which is entirely different than play.
And finally, the topic of mantras. These are helpful little sayings
that I pick up from other people to help me at certain times. Right now
I have two that I use. "Just obey" and "I am patience". Saying them
once or twice is not good enough. I use them to block out and
obliterate the cascading negative thoughts that stand in the way of
those two things at times.
I read the book "Slavecraft" and found it really useful in terms of
mindset. You might recognize some of the concepts here from that book.
My Master has had his own changes during this time, but I don't want
to try to speak for him, and he is unlikely to write it himself. I will
just leave it saying that we are continuing to evolve together.
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