One of Two

I'm one of Master's two best bitches.  He tells me so.
 
And I'm not jealous at all because the other one is a dog.   

Her name is Pepper.

Alexander Day

Saturday I had one of those Alexander days.  You know, a No Good Horrible Awful Very Bad Day.  

Which was weird because it started out so well.   Perhaps I should say I had about 8 hours of badness surrounded by the good parts.  I have debated with myself heavily about even sharing the bad part because now it just seems like unreasonable, nonsensical whining, but what the heck.  The good the bad and the ugly, we all have it.  So I'm sharing it in the interests of not thinking my life is one big pile of rosy sex (ok, sometimes it is :)  ).  

Master started the day by kicking me out of bed before 6 to make his breakfast, which is normal and expected.  He had a sausage burrito and I had Cheerios.  When he was getting dressed, since he was working a half day, I went back upstairs.  He told me to get the Hitachi and use it while he watched.  He sat on the settee, continuing to dress, putting his socks on, while I lay on the floor playing with the wand and my pussy.   He came over and stepped on my neck, pressing down until I went light headed.  He told me to come, several times, before he moved his foot to my chest and I coughed at the release of pressure. 

Then he was off to work, and I was ok until I started trying to look at job listings.  See, Master has ordered me to get a job.  So far I have sent two resumes, got an offer to speak to someone more about one, but they only had second shift, which I can't do.  The other... well, that was a problem.   I don't want to go through the whole thing, but problems with my email vanishing and our phone being dead and lack of taking notes on paper meant that I don't know what happened with that resume.  Anyway the job is not posted any more.  So after an hour of frustration, during which the kids were constantly talking to me and I got way more snappish with them than I should have, I started looking at more postings.   

This is so depressing.  Nothing appeals to me in the ads.  I have no idea what I want to do.  I might as well be 19 again with no clear ideas at all of where I'm going.  He's not going to tell me where I'm going or what I'm supposed to be doing in this area. Maybe he doesn't know either.    I'm qualified for practically nothing.  I have huge (11 year) gaps in my resume.   I feel like an utter failure.  I want to obey Master and get a job, and feel like I've failed so far in making any progress toward this.   When I read the descriptions of what employers are seeking all I can think is "That is so not me... I'm just going to have to fake it to get hired for anything at all" and I'm not talking about the experience/training which I obviously wouldn't fake, but the personality qualities they describe.   So, after several hours of this I have found nothing to even apply for.  

I had promised the kids we would go to the park, but Master messaged me and said he'd be home soon.  We could wait for him to eat lunch and he would go with us.  This sounded like a nice plan. 

Then the guy who sells us firewood called and said he could come over.  I knew Master would want the wood, so I said yes. 

I made Master's lunch in preparation.  After he had eaten I wanted to talk about my problems with the email and job things, but he was too busy and kept putting me off, and my car had to be moved out of the driveway.  He was on the phone for work when the firewood guy came.  I helped unload the trailer full of wood on to the back porch.  Master and the kids came out after a little while and we got it done pretty quickly all together.    

When the neighbor left for another load, I tried to talk to Master again, but the kids still also wanted to talk, and I was snappish to one of them.  Then Master corrected me and I apologized to both.  I felt stupid and horrible and awful, not to mention embarrassed.    Talking with him about the job stuff didn't really help either, I just felt worse that I hadn't accomplished as much as I thought I should have.    I just felt completely lousy about the whole thing.  I thought he was disappointed with me also.  Plus I feel guilty that he is working seven days a week and I'm not working at all.

He told me to quit moping and take the kids to the park, that he would do the other loads of wood himself rather than have me sulking around.  So I did that.  It was all great until the kids started throwing sand, got in big fight with each other and I told them we had to leave.  I'm just sure that my crabby attitude had made them crabby too.  So that was all my fault as well.

When we got home it was time to make dinner and Master was still stacking the rest of the wood (we got 3 trailer loads).  He was hot and worn out, so I made him some cold lemonade and cooked dinner. 

He told me he was not disappointed with me and he knew it was going to be hard, but I should not get discouraged and I would find something, even if it was very entry level, that was ok. 

After the kids were in bed we watched a small bit of a silly movie, then went to bed. 

He told me to get up and face away when he came to the bedroom.  He couldn't find his old belt, so he used the newer one that he wears every day.  It was heavier, and hurt like a son of a gun, with no warm up or anything.  When he told me to get in bed I was rubbing my sore thighs.  Feeling that pain and rubbing it put me into such a heat of desire.  Master pushed my legs apart and slid on top of me.

It was a good ending to the day.  

And today, I'm filling out more applications on line.  Master is at work, again.   

 

Friday Night At Home

Last night I crouched in position waiting for Master for a long time.  I don't know the actual length of time, but I had to stretch and move several times when I became stiff and sore.  

I really thought we were going straight to sleep, but instead he had me face away from him, crouching on the floor still, ass up, head down, and he caned me hard on the butt and thighs, a few dozen stinging swats.   Just shows you never can tell.  Or at least I can't tell what he's going to want.

He kicked my legs apart and fucked me like that, telling me to come.  I did the first time, but not the second or third time.

He pulled out and told me to get in bed.  I wobbled my way over there, put down an extra blanket (for absorption!) and lay on my back.  He came over and asked if I had orgasmed every time he commanded.  I didn't say anything at all for a few seconds.  I was struck a bit dumb.   

He gripped me by the throat, saying "You answer me when I ask you something". 

I squeaked out "No, Master".   

"You need more beatings then," he told me, "Roll over."

He caned me again, then hung my head off the bed and fucked me all upside down so the blood rushed to my head.  Do head rushes make for more intense sexual experiences?  They seem to for me.

There was a lot more pounding of my tender cunt (still a bit sore from Thursday- I never wrote about Thursday's events, but it was was really fun too.  Actually so was Wednesday, I've just been slacking on the blog).  

When Master came, thrusting into me hard from behind, I still had the desire for more orgasms (greedy, insatiable, even sore cunt!) and after a brief internal struggle I asked him if I could use the Hitachi.

He told me no.   He told me some other things too, which I cradled to my heart, wrapping his words around me like a blanket.  They were words of ownership, possession, domination, control.  
It is so good to be reminded this way that I am his fuckhole, his cunt who deserves to be used as he wants.   And so much better than another orgasm.   I smiled to myself as I snuggled into his arm.  

Tomorrow, he said, tomorrow you can use your wand and come. 



 

Master Wrote This One. :)

Ah, you poor sorry sad slaves. When my alarm goes off I kick ksst out of bed. "Make me sausage and tea!" I command, "While I get 15 more minutes of sleep."

"But Master!" she whimpers sliding up and down my leg, "We haven't fucked since last night! Just a little? Please?"

"The only sausage you're getting this morning is going to be in my breakfast burrito, and don't give me that Theon Greyjoy crap either."

"Yes, Master." she mumbles in dejection.

"Ah, ah, ah. You know the rules!"

"Yeth, Marster!" ksst lisps. "Your thathages will be ready thoon."

"Good Igorina."

And 15 minutes later my thauthage, I mean sausages are ready. If they taste a extra special, it's because they are made with love.
That's also why we are always running low on kielbasa.

Well. THAT was something new.

I was whipped with lima beans.   The whole plant.  

It is garden foreplay? 

 

Things that are not fair #84

That he knows exactly what I'm thinking without me saying anything.

And that is all, for now.

See yesterday's post for details.

A Foot Rub Lesson

You never know where you are going to find a lesson.   

 Sunday, I made a plan for the kids to be out, and we would have a few hours alone together at home.  He liked that idea.

So we got home, and I was so nervous (of potential painful things) and excited (yay, sexy times and ouchie things!) that my stomach was doing flip flops.  We had a couple short hours to play.  

Master tells me to change into something sexy.  I put on a little black nightie, and my leather collar.   When I come back he sits down at the computer to play his game and says "Rub my feet, slave".  So, ok, I rub his feet, all is well and good.  A little relaxation for him.

  The time is ticking by.

  I start to get a little anxious.  

Maybe he doesn't really want to play with me.    Maybe computer games are more interesting than me.  Maybe I'm that boring.  Maybe he's mad at me.... argh my brain, why does it do this?!   I don't ask any of that out loud because it never goes well.  He wants what he wants, which is not to hear my brains hamster wheel in action when he's trying to relax.  (For those on Fet- obedience vs. transparency discussion- sound familiar?)

Then I start to put all that out of my mind and think only of the moment, and how it is good that I can serve him as he wants to be served.  I'm here for his desires, not the other way around.   I let myself enjoy the fact that he makes me wait.  I let myself enjoy being his slave, and am realizing the only thing that matters at this moment is his pleasure and my submission to his will.  

Then I switch to rubbing his other foot. 

I have no idea what he's thinking about, but the only things he says to me are "Enjoy your humility, slave" and other encouraging comments, but a while later he tells me it is time to tie me up and beat me.  My mind is in a good place.  Relaxed, servile, ready. 

He told me to strip, gave me a few hard strikes with the cane which made me yip and dance, and tied my hands to the rafter.  There was much beating with canes, misery stick (ow!) and belt, then fucking, and then he thoroughly plundered my ass before pulling out and decorating me with come.  

Afterward I asked to stay home, because I was pretty well worn out and wanted a moment by myself, but he said no, I was coming with him because he wanted me with him.   I appreciated this almost as much as my foot rub lesson.   It actually made me smile when he said no.   Such a powerful little word.   

"Can I...?"

"No."

And everything is suddenly all right.  I am happy to do what he wants just because he wants it.  Happy to be his creature.


I like to be reminded that he's in charge, that any pleasures come from him on his schedule, including whether or not I get after sex relaxation time. 

And Good Night

The whole orgasm restriction thing worked well for his purposes. 

This is where it started:  http://slavetomasterblog.blogspot.com/2014/09/wonderful-night-after-punishment.html
 
  It was hard the first couple days, but I resisted all urges, and then I lost interest in masturbating completely.  I was only coming for Master on command, if he chose to give me one.   After something like a week I asked if I were still restricted, and he told me since I had been good I could go back to my normal once a day orgasm allowance.  

But I really didn't feel like it the next day.  Then when I tried using the Hitachi the next day after that I couldn't come and lost interest in trying after a few minutes.  I think it had a lot to do with the restriction having been in place, but also it didn't help that I was feeling slightly under the weather from a cold.  I managed to get most of my chores done most of the days, and a few extra things, like fixing the holes the dogs were digging in the yard (a perpetual task- dogs love to dig).   But Thursday I forgot two things and messed up a third.  Master forgave me without punishment, knowing how tired I was.

Friday, I FINALLY felt back to normal, finished all my tasks, and cleaned the house.  Master had promised to beat me if I was good (masochist reward system?).    

One kid was off to an evening birthday party, and the other was also busy, so we had several hours to eat dinner and then play. 

First he had me sit at his feet in the kitchen and give him a foot rub, which I do frequently.   He said to me "Everyone ought to have a slave to rub their feet!"

Then we moved upstairs and he ordered me onto the bed.  I lay face down as he took my wrists and strapped them to the headboard.   It occurred to me, not for the first time, to think back 13 years to how we had picked out this bed frame for its bondage potential.  And that is when we were vanilla (ok, vanilla-ish!).  

He gave me one of those awesome canings that has me bucking and swaying to the music, while attempting to hump the bedsheets from sheer desire.   He made me wait a good long while before allowing me to come.   

I was sucking him when the song "Brown Eyed Girl" came on the radio and guess what it made him think of?  My one brown eye (blush).  

He tried to dive straight into my ass without lube or preparation, and ow, just ow.  Then he realized the time and we had to stop.  It was time for me to go pick up the kid.   Fun times end too soon sometimes.  

I was all subspaced, I suppose, but I went and hoped to heck none of the birthday party parents realized something was amiss. 

Much later on that night, I sucked his cock again, and then he fucked my cunt, starting somewhat dry.  Though there was chafing and slight soreness, even that felt really, really good.  And still does.  I have a nice sore behind too.   It was an excellent night, after a rather tough week. 

 

Quickie in the Morning

This morning I wiggled and pressed against Master as he was waking up.  The alarm had already been snoozed once.   He stroked me and then grabbed my throat and told me to come.  He slapped me a few times just to make sure, then told me to say thank you.  I did, and then sucked his cock until he was about to come, to say extra thank yous.   He rolled me over and took me, used me like his little hole that I am.   Then I tottered up to make his breakfast.  

Good morning, Master!

KOTW: This Is a Little Uncomfortable

School uniforms?  What makes them sexy?  Other than that most men naturally like young women in short skirts?  Uhmmm?  

What is sexy about a forty something year old dressing like she's a kid in school? 

In my opinion, absolutely nothing, at least not this forty something.   

Master likes the uniform thing, however.  It was made desirable for him by anime, so I have a little school uniform outfit, which he made me wear once while out for a walk in the neighborhood.  Short plaid skirt, button down shirt, big tie. No underwear.  Pigtails.  Yes, even pigtails. 

 For me it was pure humiliation, but that gets me going, and the combination of humiliation and force- oh boy!  He thought I looked cute, and I like pleasing him, so it was kind of a win/win/win for both of us.

What Do You Do If?

Note: unlike most of my blogs this is not a personal issue.  This is an issue that a lot of people have though, and I'm not here to tell them what to do, because I don't know.

I suppose when people ask unanswerable questions I should just STFU and not risk putting my foot in it.  But I often don't, one, because I'm an idiot, and two, because I get the ridiculous idea that I might help someone.

What do you do if your Master/Dominant doesn't want the same things you want?  You went through that whole compatibility check early on, of course, and you both loved the same stuff.  You did all the stuff! It was awesome.  Then years later he/she doesn't want it anymore.  He's changed his mind.  Or she has.   What do you do?

The scary thing about being a slave is that you have no power.  If he/she says no, you're stuck.   It is a frightening thought, isn't it?   You're just stuck.  You can't "make" your Dominant do anything, and even if you somehow could find a key that would do that, you wouldn't want to use it because it would be all upside down then.  You sure can't make someone want something they don't want.

You are dependent on what you have in your range of allowable tools to try to decrease your misery:

-asking 
-begging
-pouting (warning: this one frequently backfires)
-patience and resignation

Then there are the ideas which may work for some, but would be completely out of the question for others:

-outsourcing (finding another person to meet pain needs outside your primary relationship)
-going vanilla
-leaving

What do you think? 

Chores

My Chores

Daily: 

Scoop dog poop from the yard
Get in the mail
Make the bed
Make dinner/breakfast/other meals as needed, serve meals
Wash dishes
Keep the house clean (which things I do which day are mostly up to me, as long as I'm getting it done)
Laundry
Errands, there are usually one or two per day that involve driving places and/or phone calls
Make tea, serve tea

Assigned Day Chores:

Tuesday: 
Clean the fridge
Plan meals for the week
Grocery shopping
Exercise

Wednesday:
Wash all sheets, remake beds
Work dog

Thursday:
Exercise
Take the big trash can out to the road

Friday:
Work dog

There is nothing assigned for Monday specifically, and Friday is light, so those are now usually my big cleaning days, when I tackle a project.  

The bathrooms get cleaned at least briefly every day.   I also sweep/vacuum/dust/pick up items around the house almost every day too.

There is nothing assigned for Saturday or Sunday as I typically spend those days serving Master, or we do something all together.   The cleaning, cooking, dish washing and laundry goes on then regardless, though.  

Punishments for not doing chores:  Varies from some to none depending on Master's whims and the reasons for not having them done.   

The Hamster Wheel I Call My Brain

I have a fun little story.  Because I'm bored and don't feel like dusting.  

So Master has this new ritual I mentioned before, where I'm supposed to tell him every night how he could do better, how he could be a better Master.  I have this awesome license and opportunity for grievances.  And a huge responsibility, because what if I tell him something and I'm wrong?  
However, there is one huge but, and not just on my seat.  But what if he doesn't like my feedback/ideas?  Then what?

This time I said "The rules seem awfully lax and wobbly this weekend, and it is giving me anxiety".  

And he said "This better not be about the damn salad again."  

Ok, it actually was going to be about the salad, but I quickly thought of another example and told him that instead.  And he said the rules were relaxed because he thought I looked sick, and he was sick, and the kids were sick, (he didn't feel like having salad anyway), and I better just deal with some floppy rules relaxation and lack of orders/follow through sometimes because that is life. 

And quit worrying about the stupid salad.  

Ok, so I put salad completely out of my mind and went to sleep, only to wake up at 5:00 am, before his alarm went off, worrying about salad making and whether I was supposed to be a mind reader now.

   Again I reminded myself that beating me up is his job, and I'm not allowed to do it, even internally, and I put salad out of my mind again.   Completely.  So completely that I'll probably forget to make it again.  

Seriously though.  "Make salad every night for a first course."  How hard is that to follow, remember and do?  Should be easy, right?   I'm going to get off my hamster wheel once again now and just enjoy this nice sunny day.  

Weekend of Ups and Downs and Ups

This was a weekend of serious ups and downs, and I've been resisting writing anything more than a couple of very small segments.   But here goes to try to do a summary.

Saturday morning Master worked.  I'd felt ill Friday night so he didn't wake me up to make breakfast for him.  I slept until he was almost out the door, when he woke me up to have sex for like two minutes.  
  Then when I let the dogs out in the yard, some of the dogs got in a massive brawl and I injured my thumb trying to break them up.   Some of you who own pets may have had to break up a dog fight, but it really gets bad when the whole pack all joins in. 

 Two of the males started it, then another jumped in, then there are the girls that are "helping" by diving in and taking bites of who ever's hindquarters they can grab.   So first I have to round up all the bitches, and put them in the house.  Meanwhile, the fight is raging all around the yard.   Then I grab the least involved male (Dodge, who is not much of a fighter) and put him inside.  The last two are really locked on, so I break them up with a snow shovel.   I have Ben by the collar and am trying to put him in the house when Taz piles into him again.  This is the same way I got scars all over my hand years ago (different dogs) so I let go of Ben's collar before Taz can get my hand.   I bonk them over the head with the plastic shovel until they let go of each other.  I grab Taz this time and toss him in the dog yard, which he can get out of because Pepper keeps digging holes, but I immediately hustle Ben into the house and put him in a crate before Taz remembers there were holes.  

After all this I had a massive emotional breakdown and spent who knows how long crying in my bed, hating life, dogs, myself and everything.  Finally I pull it together, wishing I'd never gotten half those stupid dogs, and take the kids to the library.  I didn't eat lunch, so by the time we got home I was hungry and miserable.   Mystique and her submissive, hasufel, were already waiting for us when we got home.  Hasufel was going to help Master with some jobs around the farm, but Master wasn't home yet and I didn't know why, because it was 2 hours after his work supposedly ended. 

 Turns out there was a message I didn't see, that someone had come in at the last minute so he stayed late.  

 I ate, then we went for a walk around the pasture, and our friends, plus the antics of the little dogs perked me up quite a bit.  They are so funny bouncing through the tall grass.  Imagine dogs that are less than a foot tall and grass that is three feet tall.

  Master got home a bit later, and Mystique and I watched the two men chop down trees with the chainsaw.  Hasufel dragged them out of the pasture.  I bet he's sore today- the trees were not that small!   Mystique joked about getting out a whip to help motivate him, but it wasn't really needed.   It would have been fun though, if there hadn't been kids around!

They had to leave before dinner, but I cooked something, and our littlest kid started feeling ill since we got home.  He started throwing up and missed the bathroom.  So I cleaned up the living room carpet.  After dinner Master started barfing.  It wasn't the food though, as I ate the same thing and was just fine.  Nobody got much sleep.  I told Master that night I felt my life was pointless.  I was so unhappy.  I didn't feel like I pleased him anymore.

 In the morning I was perfectly miserable, emotionally quite depressed, worried about the kid.  Master felt all better and wanted biscuits, so while I cooked them he ran to the store to get Ginger ale and medicine for the kid who was still constantly cough/barfing.   That was when he picked up the flowers for me, which made all the emotion leak out of my eyes at how sweet he was.  I do love getting flowers.  Screw the thorns.  Heh. Not literally though because that would hurt.  He did say that I'd probably like to have flowers shoved up my ass. 

The kid finally was able to sleep after the medicine took care of his cough (a bloody miracle- those don't usually do much).   I did laundry as the towels and everything were all gross.

When I finished folding clothes Master was waiting in bed for me. 

 He had me lock the door, strip off my clothes and he tied ropes around my body.  He then had me give him a full body massage while he played on the computer game in bed.  No, it really is not all about me.  Nor is it so much a life of glamour being a slave. 

Then I sucked his cock for a good long time while he hit me with a cane.  At first it hurt bad, so all I could think of was how I wanted out of there, to be somewhere else, and I concentrated on not moving and not biting (!) but just not sucking at sucking.   Then it started to feel good as I went into subspace.   I missed his signal to orgasm the first two times, until he gave it louder right beside my ear, then he broke through my spaciness enough that I could come.

He had me put the butt plug in, and fucked me, and let me use the vibrator to more orgasms.  He put his hand over my mouth and nose and made me wait to breathe.  I love it when he controls me that way.  It is so hot.  It's one of my favorite things.   He slapped and punched and fucked me to near oblivion.   

Then he came and we snuggled up.  There was only one pillow in evidence, which was when I made the comment about it being mine. He gave me such a look!  :)    Naughty slave.  ;)

I spent the rest of the day with a greatly improved mood.   I'm such a freaking endorphin junkie.  

#132 On Things Not To Say To Your Master

While claiming a pillow from the middle of a just-wrecked bed: 

"This one is my pillow.  I don't know where yours went." 

Obviously, all the pillows are his pillows. 

Happy

Master bought me "I'm sorry everyone is sick and you are taking care of them and I know you are miserable not getting any sleep and thanks for cleaning up barf" flowers.  

Isn't he the sweetest? 

The Rolling Stones

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S94ohyErSw

Today's song of the day.  

Yesterday it rained pretty much all day. I didn't get much done, but I thought about sex a lot.  I couldn't seem to get it out of my mind.  

When Master got home he brought an interesting looking library book with him.  As he was eating dinner I picked it up off the kitchen table and asked  "I wonder what it says about modern times?"  (The book is A Cartoon History of Modern Times).

Master said "It says leave the book the fuck alone until your husband has had a chance to read it."

I set it back down.

 I know it doesn't really say that, though.  :P

Mentorship

It is a proud day in the life of a Mentor.  My mentee is ready to spread her wings, er arms, or legs, spread something... anyway she is ready to fly free on her own, without my subtle and oh so wise guidance.  I'm shedding a proud and grateful tear to see her go. 

 Master's Piece over at Down the Rabbit Hole, knows I will never be too far away to give her my own special brand of under the bus throwing help.  She doesn't even have to ask.  

If she has questions on "How do I get him to stop...." I will be on standby to shrug and sigh.

If she agonizes about  "Shouldn't he not be allowed to muck around my brain?"  I will be there to giggle a bit.

If her Master wants to shove things into her various places, I will be there to gently advise about how her gift of submission should never be shoved up his ass in return.

But no more Mentor/mentee.  Because I really think she's ready. 

 Not because she cruelly cut me because I wouldn't put out (I totally would --BTW --except AUSTRALIA, for fucksake).

If you are wondering how I got to be the Mentor of someone way smarter than me, way wiser than me and more world-knowledgeable, who has been a slave WAY longer than myself, well, it is a long and silly story that I have completely forgotten.  Such are the perils of a short memory and being too lazy to search my messages.   It probably had something to do with tequila and a posse of nine banded armadillos.  Or maybe not.

Wonderful Night, After Punishment

"No orgasm today for you, slave.  You are going to be on restrictions for a while."  

Master informed me this morning of this fact.

He meant while he's gone at work.  Tonight...we'll see, I guess. 

My trained orgasm on command is getting a little wobbly. Sometimes I don't get anything from the command.  Sometimes it is just a little clench, a reaction, but not a whole orgasm.  So he's working on a refresher training course, part of which is evidently not masturbating, and the other part is being restricted to just a few when we have sex, instead of a whole bunch of commands, with some working and some not.  

So, of course, today all I can think about is how I'd like to masturbate and can't.   I'll live. 

Yesterday and the day before I didn't get all my assigned tasks done.  It wasn't like I blew the whole thing off.  I got most of them done, but I did spend more time than strictly necessary on the computer and thus had no real excuses when he asked me for the reasons.   So last night I got "the talk", with me on my knees on the bedroom floor and him with the cane, applied for emphasis of each point of why I need to make sure I do these things.   It makes me feel secure that he cares about the rules he's made, but also extremely embarrassed that I can't just get stuff done and end up putting it off so long that it can't be done that day, or just being lazy.  Arg.  So anyway, I was up bright and shiny this morning doing my tasks, the one from yesterday and today's.  

After the punishment/absolution he set about caning me "for fun".  

O.o

By the time he let me have an orgasm I was pretty desperate and needy.  He had put the Hitachi on me, and made me hold my breath while he fucked me.  He said I could have an orgasm if I could hold my breath all the way through "Bye Bye Miss American Pie". 

He sang REALLY slowly.  I didn't make it. 

 I started shaking my head only a few stanzas in, which is my signal for when I can't stand the not having air any more.  He let me breathe.  I begged, a whole bunch, but that was a no.  He kept reminding me to wait.  Finally when he let me have one it was HUGE, and it went on and on.

He also used the knife on me, scratching my back, and my labia, making me think he was giving them a trim.  It hurt too, but not as much as if he was cutting rather than scratching.  He asked me if I thought he really would do that, cut bits off, and I said no.  Perhaps I'm wrong.  But that is what I thought.  
Think of the mess in the bed, after all!   

Pleasing

Master has invited me to stop by his work for lunch, so this will just be a quick note before I'm out of here.

Sometimes the fact that I am all about pleasing him has a settling and relaxing effect on me.  Last night was all about his pleasure.  A massage, foot rub, cock sucking and then a quick fuck while he hit me with a cane (reverse cowgirl, if you must imagine how that works- NOT my favorite position).   I had contradictory feelings flying around.  First was that I should be enjoying this more than I was.  But I wasn't.  I was enjoying pleasing him, but for my own sexual feelings, honestly, not that much going on down there until right at the end when I started feeling all "Oooh, more, more".  But then it was bedtime.  I relaxed into the covers feeling contented that I had satisfied him, that I was a good slave.  

Sometimes that is the best thing for my attitude, when he calls me his little cocksucking hole, his bit of tissue to be used for his orgasm. 

QUIET Buttsex quickie

We woke up with just enough time to have a quickie Sunday morning.  I was horny, he was horny, we'd been up late going to a bonfire, Master was going off to work soon, and we had a houseful of people for me to feed.   

He told me to get on my stomach.  After a few thrusts into my cunt he started to slide his cock into my ass.  I immediately and involuntarily tensed up.  I tried to wiggle. I tried to brace.  He ordered me not to make a sound and lie still.  I bit down on the pillow.  He didn't use lube except for what came from my pussy. He went in just enough to be inside, and he came quickly, right when I was stretching upward to meet him and let his cock fill my ass.    

It was time to get up then. I went down and made breakfast for everyone (guests, kids, Master) with cum threatening to drip from my ass.  It was slightly disconcerting for me, but surely not noticeable.  Hopefully.

We had fried red potatoes and maple syrup bacon, though I didn't have bacon.  Then we had pie, which I'd made Friday- cherry, chess and apple.

  Callie, who is Mystique's little dog, had a great time standing on everyone and "preening" Travis.  She does this funny little flea bite thing on anyone who will hold still for her.  Most people find it creepy or ooky but Travis liked it because he's strange.   He's become one of my most favorite people in the scene: dog lover, foodie, weirdo sense of humor, total pervert and whip guy. And his girl is absolutely the sweetest, nicest person ever, just plain joyful to have over.  This is the same Travis as I posted about HERE.  

After breakfast and a lot of sitting around drinking coffee, we took the dogs for a walk. Master had left for work, but everyone else stayed until noon. 

 Sprite got to round up the sheep and put them in the barn so we could walk Mystique's dogs in the pasture.  She did a fine job, then took a dip in the water bucket as usual.

  It was really wonderful having our friends over again.  They are great.     

A Few Simple Things

Knife sharpener, buck knife, misery stick, willow cane (homemade), leather restraint strap (homemade)

A few simple things make a night of memories.

A long and painful caning sent me into subspace.   I remember babbling wildly about muffins for absolutely no reason.  

Particularly memorable was the knife scratching words in my back and him telling me to try to guess what words.  "Slave" and  "Hole" were a couple of them. 

He told me to close my eyes and spread my legs so he could cut my labia. Just a trim, he said.  My heart was pounding, and I was telling myself  "He's not going to really do that, just spread your legs", though myself was hard to convince, somehow I did.  

Sharp cold pokes, some pulling of my little hairs, then a quick slicing motion.  I jumped, my heart racing, a little whine of fright.  It didn't hurt though, so nothing cut off.  Some more sharp and cold poking.  My heart continued to thump wildly as my brain tried to reassure my body that it would be ok.  Then a sudden jab up inside my cunt and I shrieked, knowing that it was the knife for just a second.  But it wasn't, it was a finger.   Oh fuck.  Fear is hot. 

Book book book!!!

Yesterday I received a happy surprise in my inbox.  No, it wasn't a penis.  Not that inbox.

A book of essays to which I contributed has just come out.   I've started reading it and am really enjoying all the different points of view represented, with each section having representations of different M/s relationship styles from Leather to Gorean, to Fealty, and others.
It is non fiction, so my little part is about Master and me, about us and our lives, and the Roman style slavery that influences his views.   Master helped me write it, so a lot of the ideas are his.  

The name of the book is Paradigms of Power, Styles of Master/slave Relationships, by Raven Kaldera.

You can buy one here:

http://www.alfredpress.com/books.html#PARADIGMS

Even though I got a free PDF version for my contribution, I'm buying a paper copy with Master's permission.  I just love real books that I can hold in my hands.   Besides, I think RavenK is awesome, Master does too, and we want to lend our support.  He's one of the best and wisest advice givers on M/s relationships that I know.   He and his slave Joshua just won a leather title in the Northeast, and though I'm not that into such things, I think they will do an excellent job of education where ever they go.  I'm hoping they will come to our area someday so we can meet them.

Deer Drive

Master volunteered me and the kids to go help a neighbor with their deer drive this morning.  What's that?  Well, they have a deer farm and are expanding it, but the DNR is very particular on this stuff. So the wild deer all have to be driven out of the woods before the tame deer can be enclosed there.   They had all but 500 feet of the 12 foot high fence complete around a hundred acre wood (I was wondering if Pooh bear lived there too), and they got about 70   friends and relatives to walk slowly across it, driving all the deer out of the opening.   This sounds like a lovely walk in the woods, until you're dealing with swamp, over foot of water in places, and many, many hungry mosquitoes, and a line that marches very slowly and has to stay organized.   It took us an hour and a half to finish the drive, then we had to put up the last section of fence to keep the deer from just running back in.  The fence guys were supposed to do it but they were late.   We did get a ride back to the farm in the hay wagon, and also a very fine lunch out of it.   Master was at work, so he missed the whole thing.  

Now we have a munch to go to, dinner out, and then guests coming to stay overnight from the group, so I have been running around like crazy trying to get ready.  Mostly I was ready, but there is always the last minute clean up.  I'm pretty worn out though and needed to sit with my tea for a few minutes here. 

Kink of the Week: Buttplugs

Kink of the week, led by Jade at Kinky and Poly, is back!

I enjoy these, because they give me inspirations for things to write about, at least if I've had any experience with the particular kink. 

Before a few months ago, we'd had no experience with butt plugs at all.  I had some anal beads, ever since Master started having anal sex with me,  but those are different- much more of a gradual introduction into the butt, rather than a "Hel-lo! That's big".   

After being on Fetlife for a while and seeing lots of buttplug pictures/stories I had asked Master a few times if I could buy one and he'd always said no.  I don't know why, but they just didn't really appeal to him that much.

Then a friend gave me one, the pretty jewel kind, and we tried it out.   Master loved it.  It made fucking a very different experience because he can feel the plug inside me, which is good for him.  Now it has become a fairly regular feature, and again last night he had me put it in while he fucked me.

You can see a picture HERE.

I also love it, because it feels good, and also if he has me use the plug and then fucks me in the ass, it is less painful.   I don't know if I'm a tight ass or what, but pretty much every time the plug hurts on its way in.   I always use lube.  Sometimes he gives me time to ease it in there slowly and other times it's more of a cram it in right now situation.  

The one time he had me put it in and wear it for several hours when he wasn't home it was not a pleasant experience.  It was ok for a bit, and I felt very interesting walking around with it, but then I got these horrible gut cramps and he said I should take the plug out.  It is hard to be sexy with cramps like that. 

So far, we just have the one plug, but I hear so much about how great the NJoy is, I'm hoping some day he'll get me one of those too.   

Afternoon off work for Master

I was still cleaning the house when Master got home yesterday. 

But at least I was naked.

He tied me up, including my arms, then started straight off with the belt.  Then the little whip.  He left a few fresh marks on me with that where it broke skin.   I don't even know what all happened next and next after that.   It went on for a long time and I was pretty much in subspace for a lot of it.  There was a lot of the misery stick, but even worse than that was the window blind rod.  That thing really hurts, with its corners!

He took a leather strap and cinched it up tight on my neck, using it to direct me up or down, choking me just a little as I sucked on his cock or while he was fucking me.

After much beating, he told me he was going to keep going until I begged to suck him off.  That gave my brain a double spin, because what should I do?  What did he want me to do?    Beg now, or beg later?  Which was better?  I decided to put it off a bit, and see what happened.  A while and several implements later he hit my cunt hard with the single tail and the begging just popped out "Please can I suck you off now, Master?" He hit me a few more times with the whip and then let me get on my knees.  

In the end he fucked me and we collapsed on a heap on the bedroom floor.    I guess I made the right choice because he seemed very pleased. 

I was just reading this little essay called "Don't give me choices".  But my Master is one who takes choice-making to the level of mind fuck for me.   All the time.   It does me absolutely no good at all to tell him that, because he does what he wants!

Master

Master says I make him sound like some sort of crazy, cruel, scary psychopath in these blogs.  And a reader on Fet said I must be deathly afraid of him.  Which doesn't really bother him, actually.  Well, maybe it did a little bit, until I assured him that I'm not afraid of him.  Respectful of what he can do and his power over me, yes, but not afraid.  
 It may seem that way mainly because I find writing about some exciting things that happen (yesterday's grabbing me by the throat) more interesting than "Again this morning he told me he loved me and we kissed goodbye and we were all sweet and smushy", which is lovely and does happen EVERY day, but I won't write about it every day.   I think you all would become diabetic from sweets overload. 

If you have met him (which is maybe three readers on this blogger site- a lot more on Fet.) you know that he really is a kind, polite, humorous man.  He's the kind of person that will just go shovel a friend's driveway to be helpful, or always offer to help people move, or order me to make cookies for various people just because.  He told me to make cookies for the shop that fixed our barn door closing apparatus because they did it quicker and cheaper than he thought possible. 

Anyway, just something keep in mind when reading the blog I'm going to write about our date day yesterday, when he had half a day off to beat the snot out of me. 

Hesitations and Why

I hesitated in answering his question, looking down and smiling friskily instead of speaking up.  A second later he had me by the throat and was driving me across the length of the bedroom.  I clutched on to his arm with both hands.   He slammed me up against the door and asked again.   I answered promptly, my insides doing a squirmy happy nervous dance.

It was raw and wild and full of bitey bites (both of us!).  He was on top of me, fucking me, holding and twisting my leather collar tight on my neck.  When he slapped my face and I naturally dipped and hid my face, he admonished that it was barely even a slap.  

Master re-positioned my head with his other hand and gave me a serious of hard ones to both sides of my face until my cheeks stung and my jaw ached.  I came.  I couldn't imagine anything better. 

Both of those tidbits of last night keep coming back to me in delicious remembrance. 

Now and then I can't avoid the question of "why?"  People who have been doing this way longer than me tell me it is pointless to ask why we like the things we like.  But I do it anyway.   I try to make my mind veer off the question by telling myself it just doesn't matter, but then things like last night happen and I'm wondering why I like that stuff again.   I know there is nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with my upbringing either. I'm a perfectly normal, average, everyday slavegirl...who gets off on pain and humiliation. 

I should just adopt a Dr. Seussian motto.  

These things are fun and fun is good.

Insatiable

When sex isn't enough...

Master thinks I am insatiable.   

When we have a quickie, and he just comes inside me, it is all about his pleasure.  I like being here for his pleasure.  I really like having pleased him and seeing him get off.   But then afterwards I'm still hoping for something more, not more sex, but something else.
I can't really change my looks, and haven't managed yet to change my feelings.  Would I even want to disguise my feelings so that he can't see them?  He reads my looks and knows something is wrong. 

 He asks.  I tell him I don't really want to say.   He demands.  I tell him.

He says I will have to wait, says that now he needs to take a shower and go out.  I get in the shower with him.  

"Kneel, slave".  

By the time he gets done with the things he does, and I have washed him all over, I'm satisfied and content with my place.   Still horny, and yet somehow more deeply satisfied from a place beyond just the sexual.   I'm smiling.  I thank him very gratefully.

He goes out, and I use my magic wand to have an orgasm, which he allows. 

Later that night he positions me against the dresser and canes me, using the willow cane and the misery stick.  Then the belt.  Hearing it snap gives me shivers.  He scratches my back with something sharp, but the knife is packed away with our camp stuff and I won't find it until the next morning. The misery stick hurts quite a bit, so that I moan and fuss and dance around.  He reminds me that he does this because he loves me.  Yes, it sounds kind of fucked up when he says it, but I understand, because there it is.  He is hurting me because he loves me and I'm taking it because I love him.  It is good for both of us.  

I guess I am insatiable, but he likes me that way.