This was something I wrote on Fet in answer to a question about how much intimacy is shared in D/s relationships. I am putting it here, honestly only because every time I think about what I wrote it gives me the warm fuzzy happy feeling, not to try to say that this is how it should be, or how it is for everyone in a D/s or M/s relationship.
Are there limits to your intimacy?
We don't have a line on intimacies, generally. He calls me Pumpkin.
I sometimes call him Sweetie on the messenger (or I just call him M). He rarely puts a restriction on whether I can touch him (basically only
one part, and then only sometimes). We hold hands when we go out, or when we
drive together. We are both very touchy-feely that way.
We are married, to each other, and we are romantically in love,
in addition to being Master/slave. I don't feel it makes me less
submissive or less of a slave in any way to have those intimacies.
The
boundaries are firmly drawn that I must obey, and he will notice and
correct my behavior if I slip.
It is not built around him holding me at
a distance. It is built around being as close and intimate as two
people can be and still respecting him and obeying him on my side, and
on his side expecting and demanding obedience.
I don't think I'd be particularly happy or satisfied without the intimacy, and I don't think my Master would either.
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I love this. I know that cold, detached, and at arms length must be a thing that works for some. I can't imagine how this dynamic can't create greater intimacy, nor work without it.
ReplyDeleteIt's the thing we didn't realize was lacking and that makes this dynamic work for us. Maybe it's similar to obedience for you two, but what He focuses on is openness: I have to be open to him, in any and all ways, physically and mentally, and he doesn't ever have to wonder whether I will be or not. As in love and close as we have always been, that shift couldn't help but move the intimacy it to a new level.
It really has created more intimacy for us as well. He doesn't allow me to hold things back, plus I want to give him more.
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