Saturday, May 18, 2013

Guilt ugh.

Most days Master makes a list of things for me to accomplish while he's gone.  I write them down and check them off as they are done. 
Yesterday my list read:

-pay two bills
-take the bills to the post office
-go to the gym (and workout, not just laze around drinking     coffee.      This was not stated but obviously implied)
-call about making an appointment for Saturday for him 
          -grocery shopping

I also had a bunch of cleaning to do, but this is routine and doesn't get put on my lists, and I had permission to go rummage sale shopping with Mystique(and even buy things!  As long as they were things we needed for the house).  

I spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry, then picked up Mystique, and dropped off the bills.  We went to the gym and worked out.   We did the rummage sale thing,  just driving around town looking for signs.  She got some lamps and I found a kitchen table and chair set which was dirt cheap and seems very nice.  I've been looking for one for a few years, so I only hesitated a short while in trying to decide if it was something my Master would like or not.  After poking around the rest of the sale items, I offered $40 for the set.  The lady there said no, but in a tone that indicated willingness to deal, so I offered $45 and she said yes.

I did  the shopping, dropped of Mystique at her house, and completely forgot about making the appointment until she sent me a message asking if I'd done it.  "Oh fuck" was my reply.

I called the place, and left a message, but it was after 5 and they had all gone home.   Master got home, and I immediately told him I hadn't gotten him the appointment because I left it until too late.  He said it was ok, he wasn't mad or upset.   I asked if I would be punished and he said no, it was not a big deal.  Big or small, though, I still felt guilt because it was on my list and I didn't get it done.

I asked for punishment.  He said no.  So....I'll just deal with the guilt myself then.   I had a fleeting thought of punishing myself, with an unpleasant task or something, but immediately discarded that idea, as it would be going against Master's wishes.  He said there would be no punishment, so there will not be.   

 But, on the plus side, he was extremely happy with my garage sale find.  He says it is a good quality table.  The old one got dismantled and stored in case we ever need an extra table.  It had been given to us by his mom over 20 years ago, and had had 4 generations of Master's family seated around it.  Far from a priceless antique, just a plain table, and it was really showing its age (hmm, reminds me of a slave I know-me).  The chairs also went into storage.   
 
 

2 comments:

  1. Guilt is the worst. I had fallen asleep the other night before completing a simple task Master had given me. Just passed out on couch. Was unintentional. When I woke up, I felt so sick and begged forgiveness. Asked if he was upset with me. He said no, just disappointed. That cut like a knife. He knew how horrible that made me feel and then I realized that was my punished. He then told me to do my errands and when I got back we would make things better. I hate disappointing anyone, especially Master. Later, he said something to me that was so sweet. I knew my punishment was over. (he's pretty sweet to me anyways. Shhhh)

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  2. I know just how that feels. Hard at first, but then a relief and sometimes sweet after.

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