A Long and Bad Day

Yesterday should have been a good one.  There was absolutely no outside reason that I should have been miserable for most of the day.  My stomach was better, my shoulder was mostly ok, the weather was perfect, things were going fine.  But it was just one of those days, you know?  I felt insecure, lonely, useless.   It didn't help really that Master yelled at me for asking him what he wanted from the grocery store.   He did apologize for that, but it still made me feel incompetent.  

We are both concerned about the future, and what is going to happen with his job, and whether we will have enough money, whether I can find a good job and whether we will have to move.   I am very attached to this little farm and its old, odd shaped, but full of character, farmhouse.    He is not so much- any place is fine with him.    This causes me a lot of anxiety.  

He had a seminar to go to after work, so he got home just in time to put the kids to bed and we went straight to sleep after that.  

This morning I have new orders:  "Be happy or I will beat you".   I'm not sure how I feel about that.   I'm thinking I'd better be happy.  Although, a beating would certainly not be unwelcome.... hmmmmmm.