Monday, April 28, 2014

A Bad Slave Day

Some days I feel like such a bad slave.  Last night was one of them.  Master got his own dinner of leftovers.  I didn't offer to heat it up for him.  He made his own tea.    He shoo'd me away when I reluctantly offered to get up and get the tea for him, but I had the tone of one not eager to serve, and he had the tone of one who is put out by not having a willing servant, but is disinclined to force the issue for whatever reason.

I felt bad after a few minutes when he told me he was not happy with me.  He went to play a video game.  After I ate, I offered to make him some dessert and asked if he wanted a second cup of tea, which he did want, both of them.  

Then we went to Mystique's to watch Game of Thrones.  Another friend was there too. That was all right.  Being around other people always makes me less outspoken.  As soon as we got home he went back to his game.  He took a break only to put the kid to bed, which I had argued about (arg).  

I eventually asked if I could go to bed, or if he wanted me to wait for him.  I was disappointed to hear "Just go up to bed".   

I contented myself with the idea that I'm here for his desires, not my own.  If he has no use for me at the moment, I might as well get some sleep.  Which I did.   I tried very hard not to feel I was being punished, but the thought did creep in.  If I were being punished he would have told me.  Right?  I think so. He tends to be very clear on that one. 

Ps.  I asked him to read over this before I published it to make sure I had not misrepresented anything, and to make sure it was ok to share.  He said my remembering is accurate, and that was how he saw it too.  And I wasn't being punished, his game is just addictive.

I don't feel any better about having been a bad slave, but the way is only forward, not backward.   We all have those days, right?  Sigh.  
At least I didn't dump his tea on his head.  

PPS.  I changed the title because I am NOT a bad slave, I was having a bad slave day.  


7 comments:

  1. oh, we all have those days, for sure (((hugs)))

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    1. I know, it just seems a bit discouraging when it is so hard to pull myself out of it.

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    2. yes, and discouraging that they do keep cropping up... at a certain time of the month for me, if I'm honest!

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  2. Yes, we do all have those days. I had one yesterday too. It just felt like everything he wanted me to do was too much for me to wrap my brain around and do with grace. I did what he wanted just not eagerly or willingly.

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    1. I understand why Master didn't force any of the issues (the kids were around, he didn't want to do anything corrective in front of them, and also he felt I could use a break) but I kind of wished he had.

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  3. I'm glad you changed the title.... I know a person can't just not try - but I just don't believe that anyone goes through life without some days that just overwhelm them. I hope tomorrow is better.

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    1. Monday was definitely better, I'm writing about it now.

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We've been on vacation

Mexico! I may get back to blogging eventually, but for now there is laundry to do, food to restock in the kitchen, things to put away......