Master and I had the opportunity to talk again since we drove together to a new part time gig he has, where I am also volunteering (they get two for the salary of one employee, what a deal!). It is only going to be maybe one day a month on his days off, which meant we had no day of kink n sexy stuff, but we did get a lot of togetherness, which is also fun. It also involves a lot of playing with puppies and kittens, so a good thing for me.
On the drive down there, we talked about my blog yesterday. He wanted me to add that it is not just that he minds me being upset about doing this thing, or that he feels bad for me, but that when my head is wrong my level of service is not as good, not as enthusiastic, and not what he wants (cringe, blush, ack! but that is what he said).
Yes, he could punish me for this, he said, and he would have if I had only given poor service without explaining my issues to him. He'd rather have my headspace right and my full and enthusiastic participation rather than a fearful acceptance. In this case, anyway.
For ass sex, he's fine with just fearful acceptance. :)
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Sometimes that time in a car to chat is so fabulous. But that begs the question...why on earth do you NOT like anal sex??
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Fiona
Heheheh! I really do. Once we get going. But it always hurts at first, and I generally shriek and try to jump away and he has to make me be still (which is also pretty hot). Sometimes I do beg for it, though... liking the pain and the deep feeling of ... whatever that feeling is... getting turned into a limp rag afterwards.
DeleteIm behind so had to read back to catch up lol
ReplyDeleteIt is difficult to try to be enthusiastic about something one dislikes or has problems with, because naturally there is that need to please, to want to be able to enjoy all, but i think thats unrealistic expectation.
What one can do is work together, to recognise that there is a struggle here and how it can be handled, your talking about it and thats always a good thing.
x
Possibly not a realistic expectation. After all, who really enjoys being ordered to get up in the middle of the night to put wood on the fire? I'd imagine no one. But there are many things that he gets a great deal more pleasure from if I am also enjoying them, on some level. Sometimes that level is merely "I'm being pleasing to Master", but that is often enough. In this case I have been struggling with my own mental blocks to even find that pleasure.
Delete