Choice

There are very few M/s relationships where the slave has to make no choices.  I'd almost say there are none like that, but as soon as one speaks in absolutes one finds an exception, so I generally don't.  

Some choices come easily, like "Do you want fish (ew) or chicken for dinner?"  

Other choices, like "Do you want to fuck or get beaten tonight?" are not so easy.  What does he want? Which do I want more? Why not both? 

A few years ago, a question like that might have made me feel like tearing my hair or possibly crying, especially if he'd been overwhelming me with painful things before that so that I was all wrung out and empty.
 
Once, I cried from being overwhelmed with not knowing what I wanted and being told to make a choice that I didn't want to make. He told me he wasn't going to stop asking me those questions, though, and it didn't actually matter what my answer was, he was still going to do whatever HE wanted. 

That was what was important for me to know. 

Sometimes what he wants will be the same as my answer, and sometimes the opposite. That was reassuring to me, to know that he wasn't trying to get me to tell him what to do, he just wanted my opinion. Sometimes it seems like he will ask just so he can do the opposite.

 As soon as I trusted that he WOULD do exactly as he wanted, I felt freer and happier to give my opinion when he asked for it. He does make me say "Whatever you want, Master" the first time he asks.  It is a bit of a ritualistic thing, I believe.  Sometimes he leaves it at that, but if he asks again he expects me to have an answer one way or the other.

Last night the question was "Do you want to be beaten or fucked tonight?"

My answer, of course, was "Whatever you want, Master."

He didn't ask again.   He told me to get on the bed and he grabbed the curved paddle.  After a sound paddling, a few songs and a few orgasms, we tucked under the covers and went to sleep.  I am one happy peon.  

 Peon, of course, is shorthand for "One who has less influence around here than she thinks."