Sunday, April 6, 2014

Mindset

Sometimes there is just that one thing that one's Master wants, and you try it a few times, and badly want to please him by doing it, but it just seriously fucks with your mind. The more you do it, the worse it feels. Until I actually felt nauseated the last time he demanded it. I did it anyway, but I was angry at him for making me. 
I brought it up again (this is not the first conversation), and said how I felt. He told me, after thinking a bit how he'd handle it, that if he asked for it again he'd spend more time making sure my mind was right, and I was in the right place to accept his order before giving it. I'm hoping that works. I feel kind of bad that I am not able to do what he wants easily, but it is a requirement for me to tell him when I'm having a hard time with something so that he can handle it.

13 comments:

  1. Communication is key to any good relationship. Good for you for speaking your true feelings.

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  2. Hello, it's me again, Michael and I'm a bit confused. Do your master have the right to tell you what to do and what not or does he have the right only if his order pleasures you ?! That was not your answer as you corrected me some month ago ! You felt nauseated, ok, but does that have to matter him ? I don't think so. So be a good slave and learn to handle the things which do not please you - to please him ! And remember - it is allways your faullt !

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    Replies
    1. He absolutely has the right to still order me to do it. That is not in doubt. In fact I did do it as I said above. And he never said he would stop ordering me to do it, only that he would work on my headspace more first. Weirdly enough, my feelings actually do matter to him because he's not some heartless beast, he is a loving, caring human being. I honestly would not have been giving myself in slavery to someone who didn't care at all about me. Really. And I'm sure it is my fault. I am also required REQUIRED to be open with him and tell him what is going on with me. He could just as easily (and has before) said "suck it up" but this time I think he realized that "sucking it up" was not making things better and he'd try a different strategy.

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    2. that's a great answer ancilla. particularly 'I honestly would not have been giving myself in slavery to someone who didn't care at all about me.'
      yes, this!

      And Michael - always the slaves fault? That's a little harsh, and just not true. Sometimes things might be an error on the master's part, or sometimes just one of those things. Either way, surely it's better to work out how to move forward constructively, however your relationship dynamic works, than throwing around blame.

      I'm sorry if I seem to be over-reacting, but blame and being made to feel at fault is so destructive. Fine if you kink on it, by all means carry on, but generally speaking it destroys intimacy and love and connection, rather than building it.

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    3. to mc kitten,

      maybe it's a little harsh but it's in fact the truth. Otherwise this way of interactiing would be some sort of a roleplaying and that is not the way I unterstand her ! She states herself as a tpe slave and if so, the master can't be wrong. It was she who stated that he did have the ultimative power to do with her what he wants. Ok, if this is the live she want's to live, that's ok - but that is not the relationship you refer to !

      So, sorry but it is true what I wrote !

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    4. Umm, who is running this relationship, you or my Master? I have never implied that he can't be wrong. He would be the first one to say that a Master can be wrong, that he has apologized to me for making a mistake (not in this case, but in others where he felt he made a mistake). I hope before you enter into a D/s relationship of your own you will do a little deeper research on how these things actually work. Trust, transparency, honesty... all these things are critically important. Me telling him what is going on in my head is being transparent. I'm not demanding that he change anything, I'm providing information to him that will ultimately help him manage his property. This is not optional for me. It is required. By him.

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  3. I've had a very few times that something caused such a visceral and wrong response in me that it scared me, in a very very different way than it is supposed to. He stopped, we figured it out, I was upset with myself, he wasn't upset with me at all. He would very much prefer not to break his toys and have to find new ones.

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    Replies
    1. Yes! Fixing one's toy when it starts to go a little wonky tends to work better than trying to bring it back after it has totally gone kaput.

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    2. 'He would very much prefer not to break his toys and have to find new ones.'
      exactly! after all, this is the toy he wants, right?!

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  4. I think you two are an inspiration. It's lovely to think that you'll just do anything that he asks without question. But then reality hits! That's not always realistic. The fact that you two communicate so well is fabulous. The fact that he didn't outright say he'd not do it again, but would watch your mental place beforehand is perfect. He uses his power responsibly. He's a great Dominant and NOT domineering.

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    Replies
    1. Communication is hard. I have had many many struggles along these lines, wanting to keep things to myself and deal with them. It is so much harder to open up and let him deal with them, but I think it is a critical part of submission.

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  5. Hello, it's me, Michael from Hamburg,

    your master is a lucky man and I'm only a newbee, who has to learn much more. To read your blog helps me to orientate myself in this subject. If I hurt you in any way I beg your pardon !

    Yours, Michael

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    Replies
    1. Hey, it is no problem at all. I try to present reality as it is here for us in my blog. It is never simple or black and white, which gives it endless interest to me. I read about how others do it, or D/s, and some things are very much the same, but other bits of the dynamic work differently for them than for us.

      Some slaves get hard limits, and some don't. Some get safewords, some not. Some have to be transparent, and others don't, and still others are somewhere in between. I think any relationship that really works is very big on communication, though.

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