S.T.U.P.I.D

It should be written on my forehead in big letters for this one.

Last night I was having a terrible time, between worrying about the sheep and trying to stay on a semi-diet, being hungry and tired and crabby and then feeling like I'd been ignored in favor of his game way too many times to even stand it yet another night...all those things, not just one thing, made me think that I was possibly just a fake slave, that all this was a mistake and I would just do whatever I wanted from now on.   Immediately after that thought I literally laughed at myself because I knew from experience that as soon as he gave an order I'd fall over myself to obey.  Then my weird little brain started saying things like "But what if he never gives any orders anymore?  What if he's just happy to play his game and never speak to me? Not that I have anything to say at all, nothing to interest him in conversation, as my mind feels like a vast blank wasteland of boring nothingness and sad."

Every time I thought I would go speak to him about these issues, I got more blank and more hopeless and didn't know where to begin or what to say at all. 

Then Master saved me from having to go to him.  He came in to where I was semi-hiding and made me tell him why I was so sad.  So I did, sitting at his feet and gripping his leg like a poor lost sloth.  I also told him I hadn't gotten some of my tasks done that day.

He told me to rub his feet, and when that was done, to suck his cock.  All my "fake slave" thoughts were fading away.  

I finished with putting dogs to bed, then met Master upstairs.  He fucked me quickly, enjoying the fact that my brain was clearly saying "No, I don't want this", while my body was responding as it always does with sheer pleasure.  He could read all this in my face, and how conflicted I was.  He enjoyed it.  I felt like his used fuckdoll.   

But then the stupid part happened.  I told him I was a bad slave because I hadn't done my tasks, and I could do whatever I wanted because he didn't want to punish me.  Ok, just shoot me now, please.   What the ever loving fuck, mouth? 

The punishment hurt like fuck and I cried the whole time.