- Handling sexual frustration, especially at bedtime.
It makes me feel like an utterly crappy slave and human to be unable to handle this any better, but I was so frustrated I couldn't sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at 1 am, only to get up at 5:30 to make breakfast. Now I'm tired and grumpy. And I broke another rule by scratching my leg out of a bad craving to feel pain. Stupid slave. I would really like a hard and long play session, a thorough beating, but I doubt that will happen. I do not feel like I deserve it at all.
My head just goes round and round with what I want, and then the feelings of guilt for only thinking of what I want. And then I am angry. And also tired and hungry.
But hey, I have lost 13 lbs since we started our diet 5 weeks ago, so that is something.