Thursday, January 5, 2017

Things that I am really bad at

- Handling sexual frustration, especially at bedtime.  

It makes me feel like an utterly crappy slave and human to be unable to handle this any better, but I was so frustrated I couldn't sleep last night.  I finally fell asleep at 1 am, only to get up at 5:30 to make breakfast.   Now I'm tired and grumpy. And I broke another rule by scratching my leg out of a bad craving to feel pain.  Stupid slave.  I would really like a hard and long play session, a thorough beating, but I doubt that will happen.    I do not feel like I deserve it at all.  

My head just goes round and round with what I want, and then the feelings of guilt for only thinking of what I want.  And then I am angry.  And also tired and hungry.  

But hey, I have lost 13 lbs since we started our diet 5 weeks ago, so that is something.  

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