Monday, June 15, 2015

Consensual Non-Consent

What does it mean?  Why is it such a contradictory and logically meaningless phrase?  I don't know about the second part.

To me it means blanket consent.  I consent to everything, now, and in the future, that my Master wants to do, even if when the moment it comes I don't want to do it at all and have to be forced into it. 

For us, it encompasses the whole relationship, and for always.  In the case of Saturday and Saumya it was a limited term.  She agreed to be his slave without limits but for only that term, not for always.

Sometimes you will see people use it to mean rape play/force scene but I don't really use it that way (I just say rape play/force/resistance play) and Master was not comfortable going there with anyone but me. 

15 comments:

  1. i think a lot of aspects of M/s and bdsm is contradictory, but yes CNC being the big one.

    Being forced is hot in many circumstances, but i think it needs the Master/dominant to take responsibility for potential consequences for using force, one thing i have learnt is its easy to say "i will do anything he asks of me"...until that moment when 'anything' happens.

    I think also, a lot of subs/slaves feel a failure when this happens, i know i did when it happened to me, but my Master pointed out that everyone has a 'place' they cannot go, they just might not have come across it yet.

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    1. you have inspired a post in me lol

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  2. Being a Master is a huge responsibility. I know he doesn't take that lightly and doesn't want to break me. He is constantly feeling me out for when and how to push. The thing is, he doesn't give up on stuff once he's decided on it, he just pushes and works me around to it more slowly if it looks like it is going to get messy. The thing is, he could just be a dictator and say "Do it!" but then in some cases he'd have to deal with emotional fallout. So many times he has put the emotional work in on the front end so when it becomes "go time" I'm ready. Less fallout, happy Master!

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    1. Yes!!

      I think sometimes it does require them stepping back, and working on one a bit more, to get to that place of being ready, knowing when to push etc..

      i wouldnt want the responsibility of owning another person lol

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  3. CNC is one of my most favourite things in the whole world about all of this. That it remains so now it's truly a reality rather than a fantasy is probably testament to him going slow and steady even tho it infuriates me at times!

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  4. CNC....is a new term for me...I love the discussion between you and tori..i have felt for a long time that the M has the harder part of a power exchange...Master recently told me that He has had a road map for us for a long time. He wanted to be sure i was ready for each step on that map. Great post...
    hugs abby

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  5. Consensual non-consent is, the way I understand it, the term for negotiating for doing a scene involving acting out non-consent, like fighting back, saying 'no', playing out a rape scene, etc. but with things set up and agreed to ahead of time. Safewords still apply, always, and if it ever becomes to be too much for one person, the scene can and should end quickly, with the use of the safeword. It's a tricky thing to play, considered "edgeplay" in that it involves more risk than some play, and all participants need to know their boundaries, know scene etiquette, and be willing and able to safeword if they need to and trust the other to quickly react to the safeword and stop the scene.

    It's a way to play with non-consensual things in a safer environment, with the safety net of the safeword, and with careful negotiation of the scene ahead of time.

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    1. There are definitely two distinct ways of using the term going around. What you describe I would call rape play, force play or resistance play. But I know that there are quite a few people that call it CNC.

      For Master and I, it is as I described above, the whole relationship he has blanket consent. If he wants me to fight back he just tells me right in the middle, we don't talk about it, it is just like "GO" and it is on. But we've done it a lot, and we talked about it more in the beginning to make sure no one would be hurt (more than intended, anyway). My safeword is "advisement" to my Master that something is majorly wrong, and it is not a demand or requirement from me that I must have it or that he must respect it.

      For what happened Saturday, there wasn't any struggle/rape play, it was temporary suspension of safeword and limits. At least that is the gist I got from listening to them. :) My Master might be able to explain what he negotiated better than I can.

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  6. my Owner and i are also in a CNC relationship and have been for many years now. Oddly, i don't think of it that way though. i just think of it as having said "yes" once and that was that. i've always known the term but rarely think of it as such. i think because i more enjoy the day to day feeling that anything can and does sometimes happen. i am at times pushed far beyond where i thought i'd ever want to go and once i'm there, i realize the beauty of my new existence, thanks to Him. The twists and turns my life has taken would shock the old me, i think. That is incredibly exciting, isn't it? That one "yes" was the best word i've ever spoken.

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  7. One thing folks need to keep in mind, though- even if you're participating in the fantasy of "permanently or long term giving up consent" to your partner, that's a roleplay/fantasy construct only, no matter how much you think you "really, really mean it". The law (in the US, at least) says otherwise, that nobody has permanent consent over someone else unless they are the parent/guardian of a minor or have signed over papers of Medical and/or Legal Power of Attorney in the case of mental incapacity. It may be a wet blanket on the "hotness" of a D/s or M/s relationship, but it's something that needs to be underscored. Even the most abject and subbiest of slaves still has legal rights and the domliest most masterly of Master Doms can still get arrested for assault should their subslave change her mind and decide she's not cool with things. We all need to keep the reality in mind under the trappings of the fantasy.

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    1. I'm not interested in a debate here, but it does not follow that because your relationships are based on fantasy role play that means mine and other people's are.

      You don't get to tell me what I mean or don't mean, and the resorting to the law? The law is not invited into our bedroom.
      You do know that ANYTHING you do to someone, any sort of sex or BDSM or touching, she could come back and say "I didn't consent" and guess whose ass is in trouble? Even if she did consent at the time. Same thing here. Any honorable person would not go back on their word like that, consenting and then withdrawing consent after the fact. That is how I would consider such an action.

      Warning that further debates on this topic, especially if they involve
      "What if he..." will most likely be deleted.

      Delete
    2. @Tamar

      With all due respect, i dont consider the fact that i have given up consent for the long term a fantasy or role-play, for us its very much a way of life.

      These 'types' of relationship require a great deal of trust, on both sides,and integrity, generally a competent dominant wants to keep his sub safe and therefore her well-being will be his priority.

      Yes, he may push, he may use force, personally i get off on that, but its in knowing each other well that makes this ok, yes there may be a time when he might push too far, indeed we have had that experience..

      but you know what, i didnt rush to the police, we talked it through and learnt a valuable lesson from it, because ultimately trust is what the foundation of these relationships are built on.

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  8. I think I'm somewhere in the middle on this. I "believe" (and I hate using that word here) that CNC applies to a shorter term rape/force play type scene. But I also believe that it applies to many larger M/s relationships, not just in force play, but in life. Your owner tells you to do something that you don't want to do. But you've already consented to be their slave, and so you either do said task, or they force you to do it, even if it's something like washing the dishes.

    Sir and I are not there yet. We've talked and it's likely that we may end up as a M/s type of relationship, but right now we self define as D/s. He COULD force his hand on issues, but there are times where I show resistance to things, and he backs down. I'm not trying to top from the bottom... I think it's more that he is not yet comfortable showing that type of force in things. Baby steps, I suppose.

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