So, in my periodically challenging life as a slave, Master has come up with some new fantasy ideas that he will implement. When he first brought it up, I had a lot of squicky feelings. I had a lot of internal resistance from other places too, though I didn't know exactly why. When he said it was what he wanted I told him I'd do it (of course, because it's not like I have a choice when he gives an order) but I wasn't sure I'd like it. That wasn't good enough. He didn't think my grudging acceptance, my "Whatever you want, Master", was good enough. At all.
On my walk today I was attempting to work some "slave magic" and come up with the reasons why I was so resistant. What came to me was pride. I have this certain idea of myself, my self concept, and things that mess with that hurt my pride.
I know some think that a slave who does this, that and the other lowly acts should not have any pride left. It's not true. Which is fine for some cases, like having pride in serving well.
But in this case, my pride was not in pleasing my Master to the best of my ability, it was about how I see myself, and not wanting to be seen as less than that by others (we aren't alone in his fantasy).
I don't think he meant the fantasy to make me feel that way, but in imagining it going down, that is how my mind was reacting to it.
I think the first step in getting rid of that is realizing it is there.
That's really enough steps for one day, right?
I haven't really figured out the next one, besides asking him for help.
For $5 at Fleet Farm you can buy a lot of ouch. My ass is still hurting this morning from Master's new favorite toy. I got the &quo...
We went to a Thai noodle shop for lunch yesterday and were just talking about this and that. I said, "I don't think people change...
The Kink of the Week is bukkake, which happens to be one of my favorite and most potent fantasies, sometimes also coupled with group piss pl...
He took off his belt. I watched out of the corner of my eye. My mouth was busy. I was on my knees. I saw the belt doubled over....