Thursday, June 4, 2015

No Brakes!

I started out to write one post yesterday and got sidetracked by sex. 


Today I'll work again on my original idea.  Which is also about sex.   
 Nagoski has this brakes/accelerator model to explain what happens with sexual desire and eagerness.  A quote: 

The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs.
The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs. - See more at: http://xoxoafterdark.com/2015/03/04/5-sex-myths-busted-dr-emily-nagoski/#sthash.WOgRdmEq.dpuf

The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs. - See more at: http://xoxoafterdark.com/2015/03/04/5-sex-myths-busted-dr-emily-nagoski/#sthash.WOgRdmEq.dpuf




A lot of it is about the brakes.  I guess I always had very sensitive brakes.  That means that even in the middle of getting turned on, the least little distracting or unpleasant thought, such as "Ugh, I have to get up in the morning" or "What if I can't orgasm? Will it be unpleasant for me?" would make me shut the whole arousal system down.  Not on purpose, it just happened without conscious thought.

Well, being submissive has taken away my brakes.  Since I know I have no way to stop things, I don't even try (subconsciously or otherwise) to slam on my brakes.  I may get a little drag every now and then, but then it is replaced by the thought that I literally have no choice, and the arousal train is soon running at top speed down the mountain. 

NO BRAKES!

This simple little model explained so much to me about why 5 years ago I barely wanted sex at all, and now I want it almost constantly.  

We are all different though.  I know it doesn't work this way for everyone, but this helped me understand some things about myself.

5 comments:

  1. OMG OMG OMG...that's ME!!! So frequently if I truly give my self over...stop fighting Him or pushing or being a general pain in the ass and get the FUCK out of my head...just obey...I am in SUCH a better place mentally and physically and holy hell am I horny when I do!

    hugs,
    fiona

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  2. That really explains a lot. Thanks! And glad to hear it's working for you.

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  3. Just a little follow up: The book says that in general, not for every single person, men tend have more sensitive accelerator and less sensitive brakes. They still have brakes though, I guess! However the range of variability across all women or across all men is larger than the difference between men as a group and women as a group.

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