If your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?
I used to worry that my Master would change his mind, that he would not accept me as a slave, that something I would do would turn him off the whole idea and he would refuse. I can't submit in a vacuum, I need to be dominated.
I no longer torment myself with the "What if" game. It has been over a year and he is even more into than I ever expected he would be. He enjoys being able to tell me what to do and have it done, with no worries about me refusing or not feeling like doing something for him. He enjoys the floggings and beatings and ass sex he gives me. I just really don't worry anymore, and it is such a relief.
Sure, I find other things to worry about, but not this one any more, because I don't think I would be as happy without this dynamic. We would continue on, I suppose, but it would be a life lacking in flavor.
i do what if a lot too... but now that i'm thinking about it, less than i used to. hopefully like you, i stop at some point.
ReplyDeleteFor me it became a kind of a self torture. Now when the thought creeps in, which it does rarely now, I just shut it down as not worth thinking about. Que sera sera, you know?
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