Wondering

I spend a lot of my time wondering.  I don't really get to know things or plan like someone who is not a slave.  Mostly I wonder if/when I'm going to get fucked.  Yeah, I know, it has only been 17 hours now, but still, I can sit and wonder.  And hope.   I wonder if he wants to beat me first, or just a quick fuck.   Asking doesn't do me any good- I've tried that on other days.   I sit here at the lap top looking at the wooden spoon which was used on my ass half an hour ago and then set right beside me, so I'm staring at it.  It's kind of lurking there.  A promise?  A threat?  A casual discard?  I have the feeling he's not thinking about me at all, and I'm completely wrapped up in thinking about him.  When he was done with the spanking he shoo'd me away with a "Now go".   I'm wondering if he is going to come back to it, or if we are just going to go to bed.  

It's kind of like waiting for the election results to come in, except a lot more directly applicable and tactile.