Sunday, March 27, 2016

Haven't Quite Been Myself

I haven't really been feeling like myself for a few days.  Physically, I'm fine, but emotionally, meh, not so great.

It started Friday night when Master used me.  I was feeling lost and confused by some of his actions.  It shouldn't have been a big deal, when I look objectively, but for some reason I just felt a bit broken by the whole thing.  It continued the next day.  I stayed off to myself and he did his game.  We went for a walk, but he wasn't feeling well so my promised reward of fucking in the woods didn't happen.  
S' ok, shit happens, you know?

At night we did the Easter eggs together, and talked a little.  I said I was considering going on strike.  He said he didn't think that would make me happy. 

I was feeling better when we were able to cuddle in bed.

Then this morning one of the kids threw a huge fit over nothing and I decided I needed some space or I was going to seriously lose it.  Feeding the sheep and walking the pastures was a good start, but not good enough.

I tried to sneak out with the car but Master followed me and asked where I was going. 

Shrug. Don't know.

Are you ok?


He told me to be back in an hour.

I started driving, making random turns.  I ended up in this park: 

Grey and chilly, like my mood

After a good hike with my dog, I felt better.  I went home.  It was exactly an hour.

A little later on the kids went out and Master ordered me upstairs.  I didn't even think of refusing.  I guess I'm not going on strike after all.  He tied me and beat me, then fucked me doggy style on the floor with a belt around my neck.  A little bit of torture for my poor sore breasts and some more orgasms and my attitude was thoroughly better.  It's amazing how that happens. 

Anyway, that's my Easter Sunday.  


  1. Maybe you just needed some space? I'm glad your feeling happier though :)

    1. Going for a walk is usually pretty good for me.

  2. Do you ever worry, just how much BDSM particularly a S/M session makes you so feel better? as an addictive need? a fall back? Low in mood, fed up and this makes you feel so much better? until the next time? Something I do worry about.

    1. Yeah I'm an addict. It's cheaper than coke or gambling! Although, in a lot of cases I can feel better just by walking and being in nature, so it's not an absolute "I must have this now or go nuts" thing. But it definitely becomes a craving. I stopped worrying about that. I just love it like I love my coffee. I don't think either one is bad for me.

    2. Just to be clear, this week's installment of feeling down wasn't brought on by lack of BDSM play. We played Friday night, and several other times. So, it was about the same as an average week. The down mood was related to other things, but yeah, sex with Master often cheers me up even if he doesn't beat me (much). I don't think there is any time we have sex when there isn't some pain dealt out.


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