When did you realize you were a masochist? Do you ever find it confusing?
I first admitted it out loud in the summer of 2011, right when I realized it myself. I find it constantly confusing. It is always a battle of want vs. don't want in my head. I just accept that it is that way, and not just for me, but for a lot of other people too. It may always be confusing in that way for me, but I'm ok with that.
My Master's answer to me saying "Hey, I think I'm a masochist"?
"No shit." Considering he'd been whacking me with crops and things I'd been totally getting off on it for at least a month at the time.
One of the big questions for me is "Why now?" How could I go through 20 years of adult life and not know that I was a masochist? Or did I suddenly become one when I wasn't before? It is a mystery that may never be solved.
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The first time mouse was beaten with something, can't recall what now, maybe a riding crop, her only thought was, how could this be liked? Days later the need for it happen again grew...Once mouse said to Daddy, "im so not a pain slut." He practically fell over laughing. 😳
ReplyDeleteI still feel that way.
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