Monday, March 28, 2016

In lieu of a post today, we bring you this:

I didn't write this.  I lifted it, given blanket permission, as below:

 There is no compromise to the below rules, if you want to do things properly you should follow everything I've outlined here.

If you missed that. This is the definitive guide for how to be a proper Slave.

You may re-post this as long as original credit is given in the following format: "These rules were originally posted by the Magnificient Fantastic Amazing T. They are a creation of his perfect understanding of everything and are the sole property of his deranged mind"

Editing is purely prohibited. Wherever you see the initial M insert Master/Mistress as desired.

(I slightly edited this)-ak (However, I left his misspelling of Magnificent alone.)

The rules:
1. All socks should be tripled, not paired.
2. Sheets must be folded exactly 33 times and resemble a paper airplane.
3. Mimes are only to be mentioned on Thursdays after 2pm.
4. If mimes are mentioned do not attempt to dislodge M from their death grip on the ceiling
5. Bubble wrap is meant to be popped, don't let it go to waste
6. The sky is not blue, it's purple, and sometimes green
7. M doesn't wear outfits, they wear clothes
8. Any shoes that overflow the shoe rack will be eaten by the spaghetti monster's evil twin unless they are kept well hidden
9. M is never wrong.
10. M isn't always right either, make sure they know when those times are
11. M accepts the compliments: handsome, awesome, strong, powerful ... hell anything other than cute and adorable work
12. When in doubt laugh, M was probably being funny
14. M is superstitious, and now so are you
15. If you have a collar it's important, if you take it off M will have to grip your neck instead.
15a. That's actually kind of hot, so in some circumstances taking it off is fine

16. If you don't have a collar, you must have lost it somewhere - so find the damn thing, they're expensive
17. If you don't have earplugs get some, you'll need them to block out the snoring
18. Don't stick anything in M's mouth while he's yawning
19. M doesn't make mistakes, they are doing things the long way
20. Sitting and staring at M is cute, and distracting - use it effectively to get attention when he's busy
21. A good M is hard to find, a hard M is good to find
22. If you come to M with a problem they are going to try and fix it, be prepared
23. Comments made 6 months ago are no long admissible in an argument - all comments expire after 7 days unless prior written permission is obtained
24. 42
25. Always have a towel
26. If you don't understand rule 25 look it up
36. Any missing numbers aren't missing, they no longer exist and/or M got tired of writing them out
37. M will put the seat down for you if you put it up for them
38. Make sure the pets are all fed before bed or they keep M awake all night
39. M uses a grunt the way many people use the word "Fuck" it can be used at any time and mean anything
58. It's never the wrong time for a blowjob
59. If you're running around naked, M is probably going to ravish you, use that to your advantage
60. Any time you want to say "But it's too big!" is fine with M
65. When M is watching sports they usually aren't paying attention to you, this is a good time to ask him questions and have them agree to random things you've been wanting
66. If something M said can be good or bad, they meant it the good way
67. M isn't always thinking relevant deep thoughts, make sure you really want to know if you ask
68. Attacking M's belly button is not an acceptable form of self defense
81. Everything with text on it must be organized in reverse alphabetical order
82. Only 1 candle may be burned at any given time
83. The torch of M must never be allowed to go out, don't blow on it
83a. THAT is not the torch of M and may be blown thoroughly and frequently

84. Don't reorganize M's things without warning them
85. Don't giggle when M can't find things, help them look
100. if you ever see an opportunity to rent a tank, take it. M will thank you later
101. M thinks you're sexy on your knees, so don't be shy about it
102. M thinks you're sexy in high heels
103. M just thinks you're sexy in general
104. Yes, M is always thinking about sex, you don't have to ask
120. All speech on Tuesdays must be in Iambic Pentameter
121. All speech on Fridays must involve sexual innuendo
122. The C-man didn't need directions. If M needs directions they will be demanded
123. Pumpkin is a fruit, not a color.
124. Clothing is always optional
125. When you say the word "fine" you are actually begging M to spank you
126. Having a shower is always at least a two person activity
127. Repeat rules 35, 52, 86 and 101. If you can't, read the list again.
128. These rules are subject to change without notice.

1 comment:

  1. Hehehehehe how brilliant! My fav is the one about the pumpkin


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