Wednesday, March 5, 2014

More Answers (part 2)

For kaya's questions:


1) I don't understand why we are not neighbors. How can we make this happen?

First you guys move to somewhere nice that has a job nearby for my Master (NOT UP) and then we move next to you.   It could work!

2) Outside of the kinky play and the sexin' bit, what's been the biggest change to your 'vanilla' life since you two have come to the dark side?


What vanilla life?   I'd say the big difference is that he makes all the decisions (unless he tells me to decide- like what's for dinner) and I accept his way without a fuss.    This extends to everything, from what video games the kids are allowed to buy, to when we go out to eat or not.  


3) Prior to making it 'formal' with DM, how kinky were you two? Did you do bondage or play? Was there already a sort of power exchange at work in your relationship? How hard was it for him to hit you that first time?


We were not that kinky, not really kinky at all if you ask me.  Totally vanilla if you ask him.   We had done a bit of rape play and a bit of bondage, but not on a regular basis at all.  No impact play.  

  It was very hard for him to hit me at first.  It was not something he'd ever done, or ever thought was right to do (Don't hit girls!).   He'd give me a little tap and say "Was that too hard?" and I'd say "No, harder!"  LOL- pretty awful to think about now, but we were both totally new to this, and trying things out.   It took about a month actually before I figured out that I might be a masochist because the harder he did it the better I liked it.   I really hadn't ever wanted or craved pain before that.  When I told him I thought I might be a masochist he said "No shit!" and laughed. 

As far as power exchange, that is more tricky for me to see.  I'm going to say maybe, but not really.  In a few cases he simply made decrees "This is how it is going to be" and I'd give in with much internal gnashing of teeth.  As when, about 4 or 5 years ago, he took over all the finances from me.  It wasn't so much that I liked being in charge of them, but having him just take it away felt humiliating, and not in the hot way.    Most of the time, though, when things went wrong we'd argue and struggle over it.  Sex was actually a huge power struggle area.  I barely ever wanted it and he always did, and we'd end up getting angry and with hurt feelings over that issue.  He never forced himself on me before we started an official M/s relationship.  The rape play was always very much by mutual agreement.  (ie. "You try to get away now".  "OK".)

We had never had anal sex before because I just knew it would be horrible and painful and I always said no.  He kept trying, though, until I was his sub and then I could not say no anymore.   

We were both brought up very much with the egalitarian ideals for marriage, and I often struggled against anything that felt at all like submission because I believed it was wrong to be that way.   I was supposed to be my own woman!!  When I worked full time, for example, we split all the chores at home evenly.  But after I became a stay at home mom, all that got shifted on to me.   Some of it gradually, and some of it he'd just say "You're doing this now."  

Sometimes I think that being at home, having him making all the money, and being dependent on him that way, did something to me subconsciously, but I don't really know.  Like it was right that he be the head of the household now, and make the big decisions.   But there was almost no service aspect to me until it became official D/s and he declared that I would serve him in several ways.  He had for a long time been saying we should become Baptists or Muslims (even though he's an atheist) because in those religions wives had to be submissive to their husbands, so I think that was always something he'd wanted, though without the kink and beatings part.   He just wanted me to do as I was told.   And I was VERY stubborn about that, resisting and being contrary at every turn, out of a fear of being submissive, feeling that was weak and "less than".   

I think he's always been a bit of a sadist though.   Take this game he used to play with me, back when I was 16 and he was 18.   We'd be under the covers, and he'd make his hand creep up me like it was a tarantula, saying "The big hairy tarantula is creeping up the little girl..."  a few times before it got to a sensitive spot and then he'd grab me and say "FANGS!"     He thought it was hilarious, me, not so much.   Ok, he still does it, except now it is sometimes a centipede because I HATE those things.  

4) I know you two met when you were young. Was he your first? 


He was my second boyfriend.  I had gone out with another guy for just one month before we broke up (mutually agreeable, no hard feelings, breakup).   DM was the first guy I had sex with.   We dated actually about 8 months before "going all the way".  

5) Which of you found the online kink world first? Did you keep it secret from the other? Was there any shame or embarrassment to show what you'd found?


That would be me.  He had always watched porn and shared it with me (no secrets there) and it was just vanilla fucking and sucking sorts of things.    And yeah I had a lot of shame and embarrassment over the kinky stuff, or anything sexual, but I told him each time anyway because I can't keep secrets from him.  The first time was way back when we first got the internet, and I found an online story of M/s with a strong humiliation element and was really fascinated.   I read it to him, and he was sort of like "ho hum" so that was pretty much that.   I figured it was just interesting fiction.  I did not think that people actually lived this way.

Then I joined a web forum for BDSM, and I told him all about that also, this was in 2011.   I asked to become his submissive and he said he'd try it out.  

That escalated quickly! 


Thank you so much!  Please ask more questions at any time, I love this!

3 comments:

  1. Thank you for excellent answers to the questions.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fabulous answers!! It's funny…you and I have very similar starts…I had another bf prior to Sir for about a month…then started dating Sir…my first sexual relationship. While we weren't really vanilla…we were always kinky as hell, just no labels - nothing defined =) I also had very clearly defined ideas of ANYTHING that wasn't equal…let alone going all the way to something like submission…that was just unthinkably bad. Hahahah…how far I have come =)

    It's hard to imaging your Master not wanting to hit you or being uncomfortable dominating you. He seems so … natural. For that matter…so do you in terms of your submission!

    Thanks for sharing!

    hugs,
    fiona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is funny to imagine now how difficult it was in the beginning! We have both changed a lot in the past three years.

      Delete

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