Which pain is worse for you, physical or psychological?
Boy, that is not an easy one at all, is it? I suppose it depends mainly on the degree, but I'm going to say psychological/emotional.
I'm still not comfortable admitting to emotional masochism, really not, even though why it should be different that physical masochism I don't know. But I have been exploring the idea by reading about it, and I can't help but see I have similar reactions to those who claim to be emotional masochists. At the same time, it is seriously not "anything goes" for me in that realm.
My Master seems to have the goal of pushing me only so far, and no farther, in my emotional state. That is, if it strikes too deep, if I have too much reaction to what he says, he doesn't like it. He wants it to be hot and painful, not just painful and painful.
Crying is sometimes what he is aiming for, and sometimes not.
I just go with the flow, really.
And, the thing is, it depends on my mood what is too much. If I'm feeling needy and vulnerable I can take a whole lot less emotionally than if I'm feeling sexy and light hearted.
Someone asked a question on Fet this week : "Is your Master responsible for your feelings?" and my mind immediately jumped into these waters, where yes, yes he is.
Ordinarily, if I'm grouchy for some reason, that is all on me. But if he's doing something like this, you bet your sweet bippy he is partly responsible.
Also, I rarely write with any depth on these scenes because I don't want my readers thinking my Master is a meanie head. Mostly I just skip over those parts completely.
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