Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Question Day number 10!

What advice would you give to someone who Is just starting out in the lifestyle? Any tips or advice?

This is a really big topic, since I don't know what part of the lifestyle you are entering, or if this is a more generic question.  

But my main advice would be that there is no one true way of doing this.  Many people will tell you otherwise:  "This is how you can be a slave/sub/Dom/Master, and if you don't do it this way you are not true/real/whatever".   

Don't believe them. 

 You and the person in the relationship with you are the only ones you have to satisfy with regard to just about anything.  It is also not a contest.  Being a slave is not better than being a sub.  Being an extreme masochist is not better than being a mild masochist, or not being a masochist at all.  It is about finding the way that works for you.  

The other place I frequently see people making mistakes:  make sure someone is compatible with you before you make a commitment to them.   If you are wanting on line play only, that is one thing and I don't have much for you there, but if you want to do this in real space, make sure you meet that person in real space and spend some time getting to know them before you promise to be ANYTHING to them.  Really.   If you have niggling doubts about that person's character, pay attention to those.  Don't ignore your gut feelings and get swept up in the romance of it all.   This is not a fairy story, and there is no great prince to carry you off and live happily ever after.   There is still going to be real life to deal with forever and ever.  I just find it so much better to be owned during it all.  It is not better for everyone. 


  1. This is maybe the best answer to this sort of question I've ever seen! Great job on touching on the most important aspects that most newbies miss or don't want to think about.

  2. Thank you for.answering. I am just starting.out find myself and what I want but I dont always have an answer for myself and I figure Its question month anyway so I should just grow a pair and ask what I wanted to know lol :)

    1. Sure you should! I can try to answer more questions if you think of them.

  3. Which pain is worse for you, physical or psychological?


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