“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson: January 2015

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Friday, January 30, 2015

Ok, one more post and then I'm going to quit and not write anything for a while.

Maybe a couple days anyway.

Kneeling.
Sucking.
Tire tread paddle.
Rope harness.
Fucking doggy style on the floor.
Rope harness is a handle for hard thrusting into me.
Fucking so hard my cunt clenches him in coming waves.
Ksst goo on the floor.
Stand up.
Get in position.
The whip.
      Marked.
His belt.
Oh, his belt.
Marked again, with wider stripes.
Teasing me.
More sucking, lying on the bed under him.
Caning and sucking.
How to concentrate on sucking when it hurts like that?
Humiliating.
Jealousy. Not the kind of humiliating that gets me turned on, but the kind that makes me feel bad. He realizes this and changes to
Fucking. The really good kind. (Ok, that is all the fucking).
My vibrator.
Orgasms.
I ask to put the butt plug in since he has carefully laid it out on the bed ahead of time.
Fucking with the butt plug in.
So tight.
So painfully tight.
And good.
I reached subspace some time ago. It's all disjointed here.
He comes.
We shower.
The end.

Updated list of things I did yesterday, plus last night I was Master's stress relief

I did make the bread. I made yeast risen dinner rolls and they were delicious. I start them in the bread maker on the dough setting and then finish them up in the oven because I don't really like how the bread maker does a loaf of bread. The crust is too crunchy and crumbly.

Here are yesterday's tasks:

Make breakfast (done) Wash dishes (done) Unload dishwasher (done) Feed the sheep (done) Scoop dog poop in the yard (done) Laundry- sheets and towels included (done and folded/put away) Make the beds, 3 of them (done) Write some blogs (done) Get his battery jumped with the battery jump kit we have (tried, it didn't work) Get the mail (did this after Master got home- oops) Exercise (20 minutes of dancercize) Make bread (done) Make dinner (mac and cheese, salad and the rolls) Clean the kitchen after dinner (done)

Also, I sewed up a torn comforter, which took a lot longer than I thought it would and made my hand sore.

I cleaned Master's bathroom.

I trimmed dog toenails, and wondered why Pepper will eat dog toenail bits but not Master's toenail clippings. Weird dog. I kept having to push her out of the way when I was doing the other dogs' nails because she was in the way snarfing up all the nailbits.

---------------------------------------------

Master was more than a bit grumpy yesterday, because of his car not starting. Then we found out it was stuck in park, so we couldn't push it to a place where the jumper cables would reach from my car to his. His car was in the garage, and mine won't even go in the garage (minivan, extremely low ceiling'd old garage). He had to run to the store after dinner to buy a longer jumper cable, which was still a few feet too short. He ended up hooking the two together (dangerous, but it worked) and getting the battery jumped. It started! Yay!

Afterward, we had a beer and he stuck the bottle in my cunt and took pictures. He described how he was going to fuck me up later and use me as his toy to take his frustrations and aggressions out on. I have to admit this sort of foreplay makes me pantingly hot.

He was reading some thread on Fet about slaves being "broken" and said to me, in that faux-sugarsweet voice he gets, "Awwww, are you broken?"
I said quizzically, "No".
Then he said "You will be."
Eeep, that made me squirm again. I didn't get scared until after he'd fucked me though.

A bit later, I waited for him on the floor in prostrate position.

"Naked" was the first thing he said.

The room was freezing, but I stripped off my robe and he instructed me to lie on top of the bed covers for my caning.   He got mostly under the covers himself and enjoyed my shivery coldness.

He asked me if I'd been a good slave today and I had to admit that my one bit of snarking online had broken his rule. Mostly good though, if that counts for anything? He told me this caning was not about punishment, but about what he wanted to do, all about him. I was relieved.   I like it all about him.

The cane soon warmed my backside. It was painful at first, but soon turned to floaty pleasure. As soon I as started getting too much into the pleasure zone, he'd rap my calves and I'd snap back to pain. After I was thoroughly beaten, he gave me two more hard smacks and said those were for my online snarkitude, which was a misdemeanor rather than a felony level.

When I was just about to break and cry, he took me.
He fucked me hard and fast. Between Wednesday's hard play and that I'm spotting red again; it is not that time of the month, but...anyway. So worth it.

When he told me to come I didn't. He came inside me from behind, then he flipped me over and began slapping me. That was when I got scared. He slapped some more and slapped a delicious orgasm right out of me. I waved my hands around in some very lame attempt at protecting myself from the increasing slaps. I guess it was a good kind of fear, and then he stopped, but it felt so good to be cuddled up tight against him under the covers and stroked to sleep afterward. I'm his.   His little slavey cunt toy.

My Cunt Has Two Women in it

Because Master thought it would be fun to fuck me with his beer bottle. Note the label, if it is big enough to see: Two Women New Glarus beer.

The hijinks never end.

I'm really behind on blogging, too, I never finished Wednesday's adventures.

Because who doesn't like Keira Knightly?

Someone helpfully made a short clip of the spanking scenes from that movie we watched a while back, A Dangerous Method. So in case you never got around to watching the whole thing, you can just see the best bits:

Spanking scenes

There aren't that many, but dang, she's hot.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Car Battery

Master's car battery died last night and he didn't have time to mess with it this morning so he drove my car to work.

All my going places errands for today were thus cancelled and I feel like I'm having a stay at home holiday.

All I have to do today is:

Make breakfast (done)
Wash dishes (done)
Unload dishwasher (not done)
Feed the sheep (done)
Scoop dog poop in the yard (not done)
Laundry- sheets and towels included (one load in the dryer now, two loads to go)
Make the beds, 3 of them (not done)
Write some blogs
Get his battery jumped with the battery jump kit we have
Get the mail
Exercise
Make bread (I don't have to, but I want to)
Make dinner
Clean the kitchen after dinner

See? Holiday!

Breakfast Slaving

After much mental struggle and a conversation with friends I'm getting it.

Not just doing it every day, but actually getting it in my head about being the breakfast slave every day, not just when he orders me to get up. There is a difference being doing and really having my head on right about it though.

I don't have to agonize about the decision to stay in bed or to get up and make breakfast anymore if he doesn't say anything to me about it. I get up and make breakfast unless he orders otherwise.

The reason should be, if I were all altruistic and shit, because I love him and love serving him and he totally deserves a slave who eagerly makes breakfast for him.

Quarter to six is just a tad before my true slaviness (tm) kicks in.

The reason is that if I don't get up I won't be able to go back to sleep anyway, I'll just lie there agonizing and being guilty, so I might as well just do it.

Sometimes obvious things are not as obvious as they should be.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

hole, That's Me.

Some scenes start with a pedicure.

Well, actually, first there was his lunch.

Then there was his tea.

On his orders, I fetched down the toenail clipper and file and knelt at his feet wearing my robe (leopard print), my leather collar and wrist cuffs.

I got his scraggly-scary toenails all fixed up.

He was doing something on the computer so I started in on my own fingernails, still sitting there on the floor by his feet.

He stood up. Moved around behind me.

But you know how your fingernails get those sharp edges after cutting and you just can't quit filing until they are completely smooth?

It was sorta like that. I was filing.
He was waiting.

I could feel him standing behind me. Waiting.
Just one more second of filing, I thought, almost done.
And one more second. There is this one little scratchy edge...

He was standing there, not saying a thing, but I could feel him.

I was too slow.
Way too slow.

He had his hand in my collar and was hauling me up by the neck. Semi-strangling, I scrambled.

"I'm done waiting for you, hole."

What Dreams May Come

I had a dream last night in which I was running around serving breakfast to people and didn't get any coffee. I kept wanting coffee but I never had time to pour myself a cup. It was terrible.

Master told me it was probably a sign from God that he (Master) should ban me from all coffee drinking.

I said "I'm thinking about making coffee bans a hard limit".

He said "Nice try, slave, you don't get limits."

Oh yeah.

But then he said it was a good thing for me that he didn't really believe in signs from God.

So, I still get coffee, right?

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Hog Tied in Bed with a Vibrator

Do I really need more than the title here?

Sunday, Master wrapped a length of red rope around my wrists, then tied the Hitachi to them, and tied the whole thing into my crotch. He completed the work of bondage by tying my legs up, bent kneed and spread open, to the head board.   He fucked me thoroughly in this position, banging my head into the rails the whole time. I was constantly trying to scrunch down to avoid hitting my head, but I couldn't really go anywhere. My discomfort didn't seem to matter much. There was some slapping too, and many orgasms.

We has such a great weekend. We also finally got to go for a walk again together, which hasn't happened in months.

Monday morning I woke up like I normally do, snuggling my behind into him as we waited for the snooze alarm to go off again. I could feel his dick twitching against me, but knew we didn't really have time to do anything. Of course, it didn't take him more than 5 seconds to pull my collar tight and squeeze off my mouth and nose with his other hand and force an orgasm out of me.

That's one way to wake up!

I went to make his breakfast (fried potatoes and sausages) all squishy-cunted.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Photos

We had some time alone yesterday afternoon, so of course we took advantage!

Master tied me up with rope harnesses, photographed me lying on the cold floor and in other positions, then did all kinds of things to me.

Here are a couple pictures:

"Lie on the floor, spread, raise your legs."
"Stick your finger in."

After a few smacks with the cutting board (best present ever, he says):

I humped his shoe. It got gooey. :) He hit me with stuff and let me suck his cock. Then he whipped and flogged and spanked me with that tire tread paddle. And of course lots and lots of sex, with the butt plug in first, then he told me to take that out and he came in my ass. After the butt plug and ALL the orgasms it didn't even hurt at all.
It was all so amazing I was kind of fuzzy headed and needy most of the rest of the day. Oh, and a shower together afterward so he could mark me the other way.

We watched this movie later on "Taking a Friend to the End of the World", it is a funny/sad/romance. I realized as I snuggled up to Master's chest that if I just had one more day on earth, spending like yesterday would have been just about perfect.

I never did get around to write anything yesterday, but Friday night was a shorter fun session of cocksucking/porn watching and caning.

I'm sore but happy today. Mostly I can still feel the whip marks as slightly burny places, but my thighs and tits were slapped and punched very well also.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Finally!!! Feeling Better!

Master chased me up the stairs. I was looking and back and giggling and not letting him catch me. I knew when he did he'd smack me.

We got in our room, he locked the door and I had just reached over to turn on the heater when he pulled me into him, tripped me, and in relatively easy manner lowered me to the floor.

I tried to do things with my hands. I don't know what exactly, whatever you do with your hands when he's bearing down on top of you, but he took my wrists and held them over my head, pinned to the floor.   I writhed. Rubbed. I wanted it so. He pulled my shirt up so it trapped my head and arms. He sucked and bit my nipple. More writhing and rubbing. I was dripping wet already. He pressed down into the pressure points under my nipples, making me moan in pain. Slapping, pulling my hair, cramming his hand into my mouth until I choked almost. Mmmm, all the things!

He asked me if I wanted to just get fucked and skip the beating he had planned. I said I like both. Whatever you want, Master. He gave me a choice then: beating and no fucking, I could get him off with my hand, or no beating and just fucking.

I told him I didn't like those options. He must have been just teasing because he then rolled me half over, jerked down my pants and underwear and began beating me with something hard and leather while he stuck his cock in my mouth. Those options I liked! (in other words, no choices at all!)

He caned me hard and fast on the bed, suddenly without warm up so I squirmed around a lot, then fucked me hard for a long time. At one point I was falling over the edge of the bed head first, but he pulled me back up.   I got to use the vibrator and have orgasms that way, painful ones since at the same time I got slapped a lot, all over: face, tits, thighs. I'm a very happy slave today.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Things My Master Says

We're lying in bed and I said something that sounded less like a suggestion and more like telling him what he should do.

Him: "What did you just say?"

Me: "mm?" (I *had* just said "mm", but I think he meant before that)

Him: "Who gets to decide these things?"

Me: "You do, Master".

Things don't go my way but I'm content. I feel somewhat flattened, but in a romantic and sentimental way: I got the warm squishies.

Attempting to channel my Grandma

If you were looking for kink only, move along.
I have something different today.

Last week my Grandma died, the last of my grandparents. I had written something the day I found out, but it was too painful, and I couldn't post it.

This morning I was once again trying to comb the knots out of the littlest kid's hair before school and thinking of my Grandma.

He decided he wanted to grow long hair, and Master and I, not being ones to stand in the way of that kind of independence, we let him. But he has to deal with having the tangles combed out every day.

When I was little I had long hair, very fine and tangly long hair, and my mom would comb it for me. It was always super painful. My mom is a lot of great things, but gentle isn't one of them. She was just like "Hold still and get it done".   I always hated that.

One time we were at my Grandma's house, and mom was struggling through my hair combing, when Grandma said "Here, let me do it" and when she did it, it didn't hurt! She teased apart my tangles without pulling on my tender scalp. It is one of my favorite memories of her. Her hands felt so light and gentle.

Not long after that, I started keeping it cut short, even though the other kids sometimes teased that I looked like a boy, at least I didn't have hair tangles.

Right up until I started dating Master I had short hair. When he happened to mention that he liked long hair and he'd like it if mine was longer, I started growing it out. I haven't had it short since then.

So anyway, whenever I comb the kid's hair now I attempt to channel my Grandma and not pull on his head. I don't think I'm that successful all the time, from the way he complains about it, but I try.

I'm ready for him to go back to the buzz cut any day now, though, really ready.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Clever Title (I'll think of one later)

Late last night Master was on the phone talking business stuff. I looked up from the computer to see him standing across the kitchen with it in his hand, his eyebrows raised.   This seemed like an imperative, so I went over to him and he gently pushed me down to my knees.   I sucked his cock and enjoyed myself, feeling even a bit floaty (though that may have been partly my cotton candy stuffed head) while he talked on as if nothing was different at all.

Later he asked me if I was feeling good enough for sex and I said I didn't know. I said I'd be happy to lie there and do nothing if he wanted me. He looked at me hard, for a while, and decided that I really wasn't up to it. I wanted do that for him, but I felt awful in fact. He got up and got me some Nyquil.

It didn't seem fair that I'd felt pretty decent all day and then right at bed time I got the fever, chills, headache, full body ache, the whole mess. Uck.

At least I'd been able to kneel at his feet with my head cuddled against his leg while he petted me for a time earlier in the evening. At the time he'd asked me what I wanted to be doing most in the world right then. I was taken aback by his question, but I thought for a minute and said "This, cuddling up to you".

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Zero Kinky things

I have zero kinky things to say. I'm still vaguely sick. Last night we cuddled in bed and he read his book while I watched Burlesque on the lap top. That was the extent of the night's activities.

Today I had a bit more energy so I did some belly dance workouts, went for a walk and did yoga. I tried to get the house back in shape and washed some clothes. I had to make more laundry soap because I was out. It's easy and dirt cheap to make my own, so I haven't bought any in a long time.

When I fed the sheep today, I noticed that three of them are looking pregnant now. This is good.

Monday, January 19, 2015

What is this mystery puddle?

Him, accusingly: Look at this! What's this big puddle here?

Me, looking over at his side of the bed, puzzled: I don't know, my bits weren't even over there.

Him: I think it is your drool.

Me: Oh, yeah, that could be.

Ah, good times with face fucking. I think I drool more when my nose is plugged up.

Though She Be But Little

Last night Master said this about me:

And though she be but little, she is fierce.

I looked it up this morning, because I'm not always sure where he gets his quotes, and it is from Shakespeare, Midsummer Night's Dream.

He must have had a reason for saying it?

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Still sick

I am slightly better. Better enough that Master wanted to play with me (yay, he didn't think I was toooo icky!). He tied me up, fucked my mouth from on top of me on the bed, and caned me before ordering me to ride on him as he slapped/choked/punched me in various areas. Then he rolled me over and came in me from behind. If I wasn't so tired out I could probably write all about how hot it was, and how I went suddenly into subspace as he was punching my thigh. It was just like hitting a wall, so clear that I knew it and he knew it at once. But my head is fuzzy, so I'm going to keep it short.

The round and round discussions on Fet of CNC and rape are not helping my spinning head.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Head like a balloon

I'm coming down with something. Ick to sick. I've had the sore throat for a few days and now have the overstuffed balloon head.

Last night Master had me perform for him a slow tease and got him off. He mentioned he might write about that himself, so I'll leave it at that for now.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Tied up, tied up, and more tied up. Also, the tire tread paddle.

Yesterday was our first long session in a while. It started with lunch and tea for Master after work, and a new song for me. He made up this little song for me to sing when I brought his tea:

I'm a little tea cunt,
short and stout,
Here is my handle (point to hair)
Here is my spout (point lower)
When you beat my ass up,
Hear me shout!
Tip me over and pour me out.

After that he let me sit on his knee and completely soak a big spot on his pant leg. Then he nearly came in my mouth, but didn't. Instead, he tied my hands in front of me and tied some ropes around my waist to fasten to the overhead rafters. There was a little warm up flogging and then he got the tire tread paddle. I danced and screamed a lot at the end of my rope.

That is me bleeding a little bit from the paddle. He dabbed it off and kept working on me, mainly the other cheek so as not to smear blood all over. And then the misery stick. I was very sensitive to that stick! But still, after some going back and forth to determine which was worse for me, we determined the tread thing was more painful.

Which is worse?
one?

or two?

one?

or two?

Like being at the eye doctor except with screaming.

Then he got out a sharp stabby thing (bottle opener?) and scratched all over my sore butt with it. That felt so amazingly intense I wanted to orgasm right then. Maybe I did. I can't remember now. I probably did a few times. I'm pretty sure when he pressed it straight down hard into my ass cheek I came.

He fucked me in all kinds of ways, and let me use the vibrator, with more pain of other sorts- I came countless times. It was rather amazing and perfect. Such a happy slave! :) Master too!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Monday, January 12, 2015

Favorite Topics

Around Town

Sunday, lovely Sunday, it was not minus a zillion degrees out. It was almost above freezing, a perfect day to go shopping without clothes, Master said. Of course, we can't shock the town, so I kept my parka well zipped up, and wore a skirt with boots as well! But underneath, only Master and I knew only the ropes, leash, collar were there. It was a bit of naughty fun for us. We went to Fleet Farm, the grocery store and then downtown to buy some cards at the Artist Cooperative. That was interesting because there were 4 ladies in the shop, all of them artists, and when Master picked out 3 cards to buy, they were painted or designed by three of the people present!

He also looked at some necklaces, and held up a cute one with an owl and some acorns to my neck, which was of course obscured by my zipped up parka. The woman who was helping us said "If you could just unzip your coat we could see it on you better."

I looked at Master.
He looked at me.

He said to the woman, "She gets cold easily".

I probably had this sort of smile, full of the devil:She didn't ask.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Having Faith

Having faith in him doing just what he wants, in being the leader of me, gives me the freedom to ask, ever so nicely this week, if he would please like to tie me up and beat me.

For those that are wondering about him taking my hints, I've found that men don't do hints (or maybe it is just my Master? He says it is most men). If I want something, I am supposed to ask. Most of the days this week the answer has been "We'll see". Most of the days it ended up being "yes" on a little spanking. I often didn't find out what was going to happen until he started. It was a "no" on the bondage and major beating. A little (ok, Wednesday night it was pretty hard caning and belt, but only for a few minutes) daily spanking keeps my head on straight, makes me happy, gets me in the mood for sex. But sometimes a slave (this slave anyway) craves more... restriction. Pain.

He liked my pictures from Friday. He also liked the thought of me doing my errands with my bondage things hidden under my clothes. He's talking about making me do more of that, when he goes with me. We used to do that stuff, but it kind of fell off for some reason.

After everyone else was in bed, Master came to where I was sitting at the computer and tied one sash around my wrists and the other around my neck. He led me into the living room and told me to stay.
I stayed waiting while he got more wood for the fire.

He took me into the kitchen and motioned me to my knees. Master pulled up some porn on the laptop (Traci Lords getting a spanking- wished I could have seen it! Perhaps another time) while I sucked his cock.

It was a delicious experience for me to be bound and sucking him. I thoroughly enjoyed the gagging, drooling, choking, and especially when he pulled back away from himself on the noose, forcing me choke myself to continue my eager sucking.   Mmmm, that was the best bit. He was so close to coming he had to keep making me slow down and ease off. He was saving it.

A while later, he got up, we went upstairs, and he took off the wrist binding sash. He told me to get out some rope and lie naked on the bed. I put on my collar and cuffs, and left the neck rope in place as he'd told me.

I was just getting under the covers (so cold!) when he came back and nixed that idea. On top the covers, of course!

He tied my feet together with one rope, and tied them to the foot board. It felt so good to be bound by him again, just as nice as I had imagined it earlier in the day. He tied my wrist cuffs with rope, and also put the leather strap on my wrists, and held that up against the head board. He also held the neck rope, but I'm not really sure how that all fit in. I was too busy getting fucked to really pay attention to where the ropes were going.

Master alternated fucking and beating me with a cane, going back and forth between the two, and also did some kind of mind trick with making my orgasm go all around my body- I'm not even sure what that was, but it was a lot of fun. I think he may have been talking to an erotic hypnotist we met at the munch, picking up some new ideas. I kind of like not knowing exactly what was going on, or what will happen next in this case. Having much faith.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Out to Fleet Farm

Yesterday after I finished my blog I did some stuff around the house, unclipping that ankle connecting carabiner to climb the stairs, because I don't really need to fall and break my head (earlier I had come down the stairs on my butt, carefully, one step at a time).

When everything was set, bread in the breadmaker, laundry in the washer, dogs all rounded up inside, I put on all my winter things over my cuffs, collar and leash. A turtle neck shirt to hide the collar and leash. Muck boots hide ankles cuffs perfectly. Excess leash goes in my jeans pocket. Wrist cuffs are hidden by a large down parka.

Secret winter kinky doings in Wisconsin is easy!
Nobody would suspect.
I hoped.
Possibly if they saw a bulge at my neck under my shirt they'd assume I was wearing some medical device that they wouldn't be rude enough to ask about.

I did my errands that way, and decided my empty feeling may have been a touch of cabin fever. It is a real thing here. I hadn't actually been away from the house/farm in days, and then only to the grocery store. On Monday I had attempted to go to a knitting club, but it was too cold and nobody else showed up. So the last real outing was Saturday at the munch.

By the time I got to Fleet Farm I was soaking up and worshiping the sun. It may have been 0 degrees and a stiff wind was blowing, but the sun was out, and as long I as was out of the wind it felt good. I took that sun energy and imagined myself drawing it all in and placing it in my chest, where it shone out of me and gave me the happiest feelings.   On the one hand I was grounded by the ankle cuffs rubbing under my boots (I had to stop and adjust one when it got too painful), and the collar weighing heavily, but on the other I was lifted up and brightened by taking in all that sunshine.

It was a little bizarre, but whatever works is what I say.

I have another blog to write on when Master got home...

Friday, January 9, 2015

What Do You Do When You Can't

What do you do when you can't wait any longer?

Take matters into your own hands. At least I did.

I was thinking how long it has been since I've worn these:

October? August? Not really sure. But anyway, today I decided that this huge empty pit inside me that makes feel unsatisfied by ordinary things, or even fun things, and lately cannot be filled with sex, or food, or Him, or kink is just going to have to be filled by myself. Not long after I came to that realization, and before I have thought of exactly what that means, I decided that if I wanted to be bound so bad I'd just do it myself. I put on my collar, and ankle and wrist cuffs, and the leash, and tied them all together and just lay on the floor. I didn't even feel sexy at all, just comfortable. Then I shuffled around the house that way for a while and took some pictures. It feels nice. I might wear the cuffs to the store, underneath my heavy coat.

I don't know what Master is going to say about all this, but I hope he doesn't mind too much. Or else I hope he beats me for being naughty (unlikely).

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The Universe and Me

So, Master normally gets 1/2 a Wednesday off per month. That was supposed to be today. So we had scheduled a playdate. Then the schools decided to cancel because of cold weather. It is cold here, and I guess some parents would make their kids walk to school at -35F (windchill) because they are idiots.

So the kids are home. Playdate is cancelled, but I'll still get to see him early, right? Then I got a call from him saying they have him scheduled all afternoon so he doesn't get the time off anyway.

Also, the dog ate one of the kid's new Christmas toys, Mr. Flufflebun the hamster (toy hamster).

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Used holes

Last night we were lying in bed snuggling to keep warm, and I asked if I could suck him. He said yes, so I burrowed down under the covers and enjoyed myself with him in my mouth. I love the pleasure groans he makes when I'm doing it really well. After a bit he pulled me up to the head of the bed and slid between my legs. He fucked me hard and fast until he came. I was happily his used holes as I felt his come drip from me.

As he was recuperating, he looked down at me with a grin and said "I really have the urge to hit you right now". I looked back expectantly, wondering where it would be.

"Turn your face this way" he positioned my face the way he wanted and I closed my eyes and gripped onto the sheet. Wham! His fist crashed into the pillow next to my head! Just as I spent a second wondering "What the....?" A hard slap caught me on my cheek. "Come!" he commanded, and I did.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Cold cold cold

It is cold as fuck here.

That's all.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Demo Munch

Yesterday was our monthly munch, and since our leader Mystique was sick, she put Master in charge of leading the group, with me as his helper. It didn't take much this time, mostly a willingness to talk in front of a group (which I don't have- I have stage fright about speaking). Master had fun with it though. He used me as his prop. (I got introduced as a thing! Hot! I know, I'm weird).

It was a show and tell munch, so he talked about how he trained me to orgasm on command, and he demo'd that. Let me tell you, I don't know that anything beats the humiliation of everyone watching that! Gaaaah! Ok, some things are worse, but I did want to hide behind him. He didn't let me.

It was fun though. A bunch of other people demo'd their favorite kinky things as well.

We went to dinner with the group afterward, and then later at home Master hit me with his belt, and fucked me, doggy style, one hand on my collar tight held and spanking me with the other. After that, he beat on me for a long time using only the misery stick.

He did the ladder trick - you know that one, right?

That is where he starts at one, then does one, two (each number gets a whack) then one, two, three, and so on up the ladder. He told me we were going all the way up to twenty on the ladder. Then once you are at the top of the ladder, you have to climb back down.

It hurt pretty good, especially when he beat my calves. I was wondering why in the world I'd ever asked for a spanking (I did!) until afterward when I was flying high, and then I remembered why.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Waking Up In the New Year

It was morning of the New Year. I could definitely see some light breaking in the windows. I know the rule is to never wake Master up, but I was filled with wantonness. There was also angst (see previous post), but mostly wantonness.

And besides, it was morning. Technically.

  I'd tried everything I could think of the night before, flirtation- wise, and he deliberately avoided or ignored my every effort. "Down, girl". Sigh.

This was our New Years Eve: eat at the Golden Corral with Mystique and hasufel, watch some Orange is the New Black at her place, barely make it awake until midnight and then go to sleep.

Yeah, we're old, so what, it was a good time. I always enjoy seeing them, and this was a special occasion.

Round about midnight, the junction between 2014 and 2015, I was kneeling in our room waiting for Master to come up.

He came in, gave me a little kiss and told me to get in bed. I climbed under the electric blanket, all nice and pre-heated by me. He climbed in, we luxuriated about the warmth of it. I rubbed and pressed against him. I stroked him. He got hard. Then he told me that's enough, go to bed.

Why? Oh, yeah. Because I'm his slave. I'm here for his desires and not the other way around. I reminded myself of this mantra for about the tenth or hundredth time that night.

Of course I woke up just as horny as the night before. So, back to the breaking light. I didn't think it was just the moon. It had to be morning. I pressed up against my Master, rubbing, stroking, sending him my desperate thoughts by osmosis. Mind waves... your slave is horny, please please please don't say "Down, girl" again. I was taking a chance on being corrected for waking him... but it WAS morning.

He threw back the covers and shoved my head down to his cock. Turns out he was just as awake as I was. Praise jebus and hallelujah! I sucked that fucker in hard. He thrust his hips up to meet me, filling my throat, taking my air. Who needs air when you have cock?

He pushed me down on my back then and said he had four things for me to do:
1. Get a blanket (absorption)
2. Go use the bathroom
3. Get the Hitachi
4. Put my butt plug in

I rushed around doing those things, and hooo boy that butt plug was cold. I didn't want to keep him waiting while I warmed it, so I just shoved it on in. I think our bedroom was about 50 degrees this morning. That may be an exaggeration, but it was COLD. He took me immediately and even he could feel the coldness of the plug, through my ass walls on his dick. I barely noticed though, I was so excited, and after a minute it was all warmed up anyway.

I believe somewhere in there was a slap of 10,000 exploding suns. I had the Hitachi, he was fucking me hard, he slapped me so my head rang and my eyes were filled with the exploding suns of light and caused monstrous orgasms.

I was sore and wrung out by the time he was done fucking, but he wasn't done quite with the paddle. I was propped up, ass in the air for a hard set of blows, then another orgasm.

After that we went back to sleep for a few more hours - we finally rolled out of bed at 10:30. I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast, washed up and then wrote the blog. Most of the angst was already gone by then. Serving him will do that. Then he read what I wrote and dragged me right back upstairs and fucked my ass for a LONG time. Since he'd already come once, hours before, he lasted and lasted. And some more. I didn't scream at all, I couldn't, just bit down on my pillow. I really loved it.

I went with him to buy a new dishwasher, all sore-assed and well fucked, pissed on and washed clean (in body anyway) and every trace of my angst is gone. I felt all self conscious at the store, like people could peer into my mind and see what we'd be up to, so I avoided looking at anyone except Master.

This was much better than any New Year's brunch.

While I cooked dinner he wanted me to read him The Miller's Tale (Chaucer) so I did. Such a naughty one!

Slave Angst

Master said a while ago, that I need to write a slave angst post every now and then. He wasn't meaning that he WANTS me to write them, just that I seem to have these moments every now and then and it is ok if I get them out in writing. Also, he doesn't want anyone to think my life is all sunshine and unicorn flavored rainbows.

This time my angst was about his teasing. He loves to tease me, about most anything, whatever he thinks will get the most rise out of me. If he can tell I feel like kicking him in the shins, then he's accomplished his aim. I consider it part of my role to put up with it. Master would not be himself if he wasn't teasing. If he's teasing, he's in a good mood, so usually I just laugh along. Or glare and threaten to kick him. Then he laughs.

However, when he touches on certain subjects, it makes me feel bad. Like when he teases me that I'm actually the one with the power here. That he's just doing it all for me. That he's really not into this. It makes me feel like I'm failing. Like somehow if I were a better slave, more submissive, he wouldn't have to tease me about that. I rack my brain for any episodes recently when I might have seemed too forward or demanding or lacking in submissiveness.

The words of subjugation, of oppression, of control and Mastery are the juiciness of slavery? The stuff I live for?

Well, when he teases me like that, when he says the opposite sorts of things, it sucks away my juiciness. It leaves me half hollow, pierced, popped like a balloon and deflated, trying to prop myself up by telling myself "He doesn't mean it, he's just teasing, of course you have none of the power here." In order to prop myself up again, I point out to myself several recent examples when if I really had any control, things would have gone very, very differently. I use this as a prop to retain some of the juiciness for myself before I become hard and bitter.

Even though I know he's not serious and I know that what I'm feeling is silly (because he tells me "Don't be silly, of course you are not in charge here".) It doesn't matter if I feel silly feeling that way, I'm still feeling it. I can't just vanish feelings, can I? I have to have them talked away, either by myself or by him.

But how much easier and nicer would it be (for me) if he just didn't say those things?

And then there is the thought creeping in that since this would not be the first time I've said I didn't like that sort of teasing, and so he knows it makes me feel bad and he still does it, how much much power do I think I have, really? That gives me a helpless feeling. Then the helpless feeling turns to a minor subjugation, a little degradation, which comes to me like a small reassurance.

Not as much as if he'd gripped my hair and said "You have no power. You control nothing. You are my slave". But still something.

So there is my slave angst of the week.

Master read what I wrote before I published it here, after I asked him to read it to make sure it was all right and he thought it was "cute and funny". Just so. I guess.

However, nothing gets rid of slave angst quite like being dragged upstairs for forceful surprise ass sex.